Tuesday

I double-checked. It's definitely Tuesday. Just wanted to make sure, after last week.

I went to sleep with Melatonin last night. In general, I would tend to say it was more successful than it had been the previous week, but it didn't achieve true greatness. It was hot - I was hot - something. I woke up a couple of times either in pain (and took aspirin quickly) or all sweaty, but was able to get back to sleep. Until 4, anyway. I turned the radio on around 4:20 because it had become clear that I was awake for the day. So, 7 hours of fairly bad sleep. Better than 5 hours of fairly bad sleep, I guess, but I would really like to take all of the lovely women with menopause assistance blogs and beat the crap out of them every time they suggest that the best help for the insomnia symptom is to "get a good night's sleep". So effing unhelpful, Ms. Obvious. Perhaps I can get rid of all my menopause symptoms by arranging to resume secretions of estrogen, LH, FSH, progesterone and anything else I might have forgotten from 10th-grade biology class. I'll just go do that then, shall I?

So, spleen vented. This is frustrating in the extreme.

162.0 this morning. I'm disappointed, I guess. Here's yesterday (which will explain it):

• tea with cream
• fish oil, turmeric, and mag citrate
• 3 pieces of aged gouda
• about 1/2 pound of strawberries
• a piece of cheddar
• 2 ground-beef patties with cheddar
• an avocado
• tomato slices
• pickles
• (so far, so good, right?)
• 12 almond-flour pecan shortbread cookies

The cookies may not be all that bad, either from a carb or caloric standpoint - I've never calculated them. Did they help with my cookie craving? Maybe - I was able to look at them this morning and not eat any (or pack any for lunch, either).

Seriously, though, I'm a mess right now. I dislike my job, which by turns bores and annoys me. I'm on my own with 5 animals who need early morning feedings each day, a commute that takes 2 hours round trip no matter what's going on, I'm menopausal in ways that are calculated to just wear me down, we may be on the brink of a move, and if we are, it means more time on my own with 5 animals which will require me to get up even earlier to ensure that their messes are cleaned for house showings, and probably packing the place out on my own (not that I won't have folks willing to help, but I'll have to do all the coordination and arrangements and what-not). I'm craving snacks - sweets in particular - in a particularly irresistible, compelling way, and I'm getting no sleep. I ache from head to toe, workouts don't actually seem to be having any impact on my overall fitness, endurance, or strength, and I'm, not surprisingly, gaining weight. When I'm home, the cat spends the entire day yowling at me, for no obvious reason, and one of the dogs wants to sit in my lap, pretty much. I'd say I'm near the end of my rope, but there doesn't appear to be a rope anywhere to be at the end of.

And yet, I know - absolutely know in my logical mind - that I have it far easier than other women going through menopause. It's just that I don't have a lot of margin for error here. 

Oh, and I've somehow managed to get a nasty sinus infection, that isn't budging for salt-water rinses. I do NOT want to take antibiotic pills for this, but have no idea if I can convince anyone to give me antibiotic nose drops, which I know from personal experience absolutely exist. Nor do I really have the time to take off to go get properly diagnosed. Which probably means quickie-med for me, if I get so I can't take it anymore. I just don't know.

A little light at the end of the tunnel would sure be nice - even if it is a train.