Monday

Wow.  I thought I was tired before.  Not so much.  We have had a 3-day weekend with Jack, and the sleep has become progressively worse each night. Top that off with Lee being sick - he caught a nasty chest cold playing golf in the rain (that's his story and he's sticking to it), so I ended up doing a lot of the wee hours Jack-wrangling. Not fun.  Yesterday, he and I got up at 4:50 am.  Today, I was up throughout the night shutting doors and wrestling him into a sleeping position multiple times, and we all got up at 5:50 am.  Elizabeth comes home this afternoon - and "not a moment too soon" was probably some time yesterday.  I am fried. Lee is still in bed, with the dogs on the back porch as if we had all left the house.  That should give him time to get some rest.

My stomach was all nasty yesterday; not sure what was going on, but I've apparently eaten something I probably shouldn't have.  I'm feeling a bit ugh still, and it was in evidence overnight, as well, which just added to the general merriment.

151.6 this morning. Here's a rough summary of yesterday's eating - I don't think it's everything, but it's what I remember:

• tea with cream
  
• scrambled eggs
  
• bacon
  
• bean-free chili
  
• salted chocolate almonds
  
• dried cherries
  
• chips and salsa
  
• enchiladas montada (cheese, stacked with 3 tortillas) with green chile
  
• an apple
  

I think that was it.  It felt far worse than that at the time.

No breakfast today - no time for it.  I will get lunch due to work things, and we are having pork roast and roasted brussels sprouts for dinner. If I'm still awake by than, that is.

Friday

No idea what I weigh this morning; was up and moving by 5:15 and didn't have time to weigh myself.  Got Elizabeth off to her plane on time.  Here's yesterday:

• scrambled eggs
  
• bacon
  
• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• a bag of Skittles
  
• cheese (I think)
  
• naked philly cheesesteak burger 
  
• fries
  
• cashews
  

That was it - the Skittles were probably as disgusting as it gets - half the bag had been smashed and they were a solid wad, glued to the bag.  Instead of recognizing the serious non-food-ness of the mess, I peeled it all off and ate it.  Cravings much?

I kept count of my hot flashes yesterday; I had 5 during the day and 6 (I think) after the workday up to the alarm going off this morning.  I don't think I've had one yet since then, maybe.  After looking it up online, it appears that 11 in a 24-hour period is not all that horrid.  Does that make me feel better?  Not really.

The standing desk is working out pretty well.  I did a lot of sitting yesterday owing to tiredness and sore feet, but I'm rather liking it.  Now that I have a surface to lean on, to rest my arms on while typing and/or writing, it's easier.  And since that is the ONLY thing even vaguely primal that I've managed so far on the Primal Blueprint challenge, I'm going to stick to it.

Cheese and tea with cream so far this morning.  I would be happy if I can keep things along those lines.

Thursday

152.2.  Ate crap yesterday, despite many good reasons not to.  Life could be going a bit better just now.  Here's the breakdown:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• omelet with ham and tomatoes (supposedly cheese also, but didn't see any)
  
• bag of peanuts
  
• two (yes, two) bags of M&Ms
  
• cheese (like 8 pieces)
  
• walnuts
  
• a small bag of Zapps craw-tator potato chips
  

I think that was it.  When I resort to craw-tator chips, which are really spicy, because I want potato chips and that's all we have in the house, things are bad.  I'm assuming hormones, since I am in a ferociously bad mood for no reason this morning, and since hormones have been making my life hell all summer.  

I hope things get better soon.

Wednesday

One night insomnia, the next night, sleep-aids.  If that's how it has to be, so be it.  Advil-PM last night, and I woke up for real at 5:00 am.  151.6 this morning.  I did eat 3 meals yesterday, but whether that, or anything else, has anything to do with my weight, I have no idea.  Here's yesterday:

• scrambled eggs
  
• bacon
  
• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• naked double Quarter Pounder with cheese
  
• ham 
  
• a ginormous twice-baked potato - both halves, with butter added
  
• trail mix (made by me - 3 types of nuts, dried cherries, coconut, dark chocolate - and less than a cup of it total)
  

That was it.

I'm still really tired today, and a bit discouraged.  I leave the house around 7 am and get home near 6 pm.  In between, I spend 8 hours at work, which means I'm using up 3 hours a day in commuting. Which is insane, if anyone cares.

Standing Desk and Hunger

Truly, I have not been keeping track of this, and I rather wish I had.  Nonetheless, today is the second day in a row that I've found myself genuinely hungry while at work.  Yesterday, I had brought some cheese with me, and I ate it, one piece at a time, within a 2 hour window around lunchtime.  It only helped a little; I was hungry all the way home.  Today, I was starved at lunchtime, despite a hearty breakfast of eggs and 4 pieces of bacon.  I know to eat in this state, so I had a naked double Quarter Pounder with cheese.  This is real hunger, with growling stomach and all, absent all the nasty low-blood-sugar stuff I used to get when hungry.

Interesting.  I am standing more this week than last - helped a great deal by my purchase yesterday of an inexpensive coffee table from IKEA that fits nicely beneath the shelf I'd put my monitors on.  It wouldn't work for everyone, but because I'm nearly 6' tall, it works for me - and gives me something to write on and lean on and put my teacup on - so I'm using it more than I did my stacks-o-books arrangement.  That may also be why my legs were so achy at 4:00 this morning - that, or my usual "day 2" stiffness from the 5K on Sunday.

Thought I'd record it - an interesting anecdotal bit of data.

Tuesday

At least some of yesterday's weight was water and is gone.  150.6 this morning.  I ate 5 pieces of cheese between waking and dinner, and was starving on the drive home (the fifth was once I got home).  Sleep is still crap; I think I counted 5 waking episodes, with the first at 11:15 pm.  Around 4, my legs got sore, and prevented me from sleeping for a while, although the alarm did wake me up, so I must have fallen back to sleep.  Consequently, I feel washed out and nasty this morning.  Ugh.

Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• cheese
  
• more cheese
  
• chicken breast
  
• salad with blue cheese
  
• two squares of 85% Lindt chocolate
  

I think that was it.  

Monday

I was fighting carb cravings all day yesterday - not for sweets, specifically, but for cookies and crackers.  I wanted something crunchy and starchy, I guess.  Did not eat that, but ate nearly everything else in the house.  153.0 this morning, and feeling a big squiffy across the abdomen.

Hormones?  I guess.  Don't know what else it might be.  And they have certainly been raging through my system lately.  Lots of intense hot flashes this weekend, and sleep was a complete bust until I took an Advil PM last night.  Ugh.

Elizabeth and I did a 5K yesterday - slow pace, something around 17 minute miles on average.  I'm hardly stiff - just a little bit of pain in my shins - but it was good to get outside and moving.  We are going to try to do more of these over the fall, as our schedules match up with any races.

Yesterday's eating included:

• cheese
  
• cashews
  
• dried cherries
  
• tacos from Fuzzy's - with the corn tortillas
  
• low-carb-crust pizza (the recipe from Fat Head is the bomb!)
  
• cornichon pickles
  

There was more, but I don't remember all of it - which is a problem, if you ask me.  I was just snacky all day.  Not good.  The cashews and cherries were not portioned out, so I ate a lot of both.  Felt bloated and uncomfortable at bedtime.  

So, starting over today.  I brought cheese with me, to help fend off any urges to eat from the machines downstairs.  I hope it works.  Having slept should help; I'm sure some of this urge to eat stems from a lack of energy from a night of hot flashes.

Friday

Bad week.  Just bad.  Was up until midnight last night with a software deployment, and had to wake at 5:00 am for dog vomiting. My stomach is seriously unhappy, and I don't blame it; instead of a nice wholesome meal of pastured short ribs, we went to a chain Mexican place, and I fed it tortilla chips, carne asada tacos, and refried beans.  Bad bad idea.

No idea what I might weigh today, and won't find out, since I've eaten already.  I am really tired, although I sensibly managed to take a Benadryl in order to sleep.

In addition to the food above, I had 2 pieces of cheese, peanuts, cashews, and some trail mix.  Just a bad day.

Eating at my parents' house tonight; no idea what.  I hope it's not pasta.

Thursday

151.8; here's yesterday.

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• 2 pieces of cheese
  
• salad with lemon vinaigrette
  
• gyro meat with tzaziki sauce
  
• strawberry-mango juice
  
• dark chocolate with almonds (Hersheys)
  
• cashews - not a whole bunch
  

That was it.  We are so tired right now, we're getting extremely stupid, which is not good.  I am still standing during the day, and I do think it's helped with my midnight wake-up - I don't think I had one last night - but my sleep is still really rugged.  Not helpful either was the leg cramp I had.  We will be having the braised short ribs tonight for dinner; they didn't get to the fall-apart stage by dinner, so I let them cook overnight.  A nice side-effect was a quart-and-some of good stock, since I braised them with mirepoix and water.  Probably will just freeze that.

Wednesday

How well did I do yesterday with the Primal challenge?  Not all that great.  We ended up going out for Chinese last night, and the waitress, who has known my husband since forever, brought us eggrolls.  I know I shouldn't eat them, but it would have been rude, so I ate it.  And the fortune cookie.  And some trail mix.  So not great.

151.6 this morning - not great there, either, although I feel quite swollen up and think it's mostly water.  Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• double Quarter Pounder with cheese, no bun
  
• hot and sour soup
  
• egg roll with chinese mustard
  
• beef with broccoli, no rice
  
• fortune cookie
  
• three handfuls of trail mix
  

So a short list, but with bad manufactured carbs and seed oils, and sugar.  Hopefully today will be better.  I had 2 pieces of cheese for breakfast, but we are definitely having braised pastured short ribs for dinner - so lots of good fats, bone broth, etc.

I got some sun yesterday at lunchtime, which felt good, but no exercise to speak of, save several stair climbs.  And I am still using the standing desk - and it is tiring me out.  But sleep was interrupted 3-4 times last night, starting at 12:30; the last episode was at 4:35 am.  Really not helpful - and it's irritating as all get out to spend all night trying to cool down only to be freezing when the alarm goes off, to the point that I don't want to expose even an arm in order to turn it off.  The menopause stuff has gotten fairly acute over the last week or so; I hope it's a sign that it's about to stop again.

Tuesday

Overnight, I decided that I am doing the Primal Blueprint 21 Day Challenge that started yesterday; I'm going to spend the next 3 weeks dialing in nutrition a bit (i.e., stop with the peanuts and M&M lunches, avoid chips, etc) and adding a PB-style workout once a week. In addition, since I've started using a standing desk at work, I will keep it going for the 3-week period, before deciding if it's a keeper or not.  Although I really need to find some more books, to get the keyboard and mouse a bit more elevated.

150.8 today; here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• peanuts (but no M&Ms, at least)
  
• cheese
  
• trail mix (almonds, cashews, dried cranberries and blueberries, yogurt chips)
  
• meatballs with stroganoff sauce (sour cream, beef broth, mushrooms, nutmeg, allspice)
  
• a bit more trail mix
  

We also hit the gym last night for the first time since we gave up our annual membership.  I walked a mile using my racewalk playlist (which gets progressively faster with each song), ending with a fairly robust sprint walk.  Then I went and did some seated rows and glute presses, maybe 5 minutes worth, and we left.  I think I would change up the mix a bit, try to get the weights up to 10 minutes next time, which will be in 4-7 days.  Until then, I will be attempting to get more walking in somewhere (maybe at the gym if Lee and Elizabeth want to go more often), and maybe doing some bodyweight stuff if the fit takes me.

Sleep has been a challenge, but I'm hoping that the standing desk and workouts may help; seemed to last night.  Instead of waking up 3-4 times over the night, I believe it was only twice.  But the first time is so heartbreaking these days - I wake up in the dark, feeling like I'm coming up from a whole night's sleep, only to find that it's early - last night was midnight.  My other waking episode was 4:30, which wasn't too bad.

So, the 21 days will be over on October 6th.  Between now and then, I will be avoiding sugar and starches both, along with manufactured foodlike substances, getting in at least one gym session per week, and using my standing desk.  I will use these entries to stay honest.  This should, however, be much easier than the whole 30.  And I'm not dragging the family into it, so I won't have to be a cheerleader when I'm struggling myself, I can just struggle quietly on my own.

Monday

Ate crap yesterday, feeling the effects today.  Also, 151.0.  Here's the details:

• tea with cream
• bacon
• coconut-almond flour biscuits with butter
• potato chips
• steak
• baked sweet potato with butter and sour cream
• salad with blue cheese dressing
• trail mix with almonds, cashews, cranberries, and yogurt chips
• walnuts

Seems like it was more than that, but that's what I recall.  My stomach is a bit upset today.

Friday

150.8 today, if you can believe it.  Well, I have to: it's what the scale says.  Here's yesterday, which is why I find it hard to believe:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• two buffalo sliders, no buns
  
• two pork tacos on 4" corn tortillas (I ate them)
  
• a glass of prosecco
  
• a grassfed beef patty
  
• zucchini noodles with sour cream, butter, parmesan
  
• cashews
  
• a piece of cheddar
  
• 2 salted chocolate almonds
  

That wasn't a huge lot - the cashews amounted to about a handful, I think.  In any event, I may have lost a fair chunk of the weight later this morning; think I'll leave it at that.

I used the standing desk a fair amount yesterday, and slept better than normal last night.  I also stood at the party, mostly.  So I will continue using the standing desk arrangement for the moment.  I may try to find something taller to put the keyboard and mouse on this weekend; they're too low on my stax-o-books.

Our flood continues; it sounds like we may be on bottled water all weekend, as our city water has stopped running the treatment plant.  Fun.

Thursday

150.2 again today.  Guess the gain has been arrested.  Got some decent sleep last night; better living through chemicals.  It seems to be my only viable options these days. 

Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• peanuts and M&Ms - the usual crap lunch when I'm hungry but have no time
  
• meatballs and spaghetti sauce
  
• a meat skillet dish that Lee made
  
• cashews
  
• 2 salted chocolate almonds
  

Missed breakfast again today because it was cold and we were getting that last lap of sleep.  I have a "team event" at work this afternoon at some game pub, with battered, fried food-like items available, oh, joy.  But the upside is that it should get out fairly early, and I will be able to go to the store and buy things to cook zucchini noodles on the way home.  I've had a couple of commutes-from-hell this week that have delivered me at home well past dinnertime, with no motivation to cook, so my plan to try that out has fizzled.  But maybe not tonight - unless we get flooded out.  It's pouring and has been since Monday, which is rare in this area, so flooding is widespread.

Wednesday

Ugh.  150.2 this morning.  Ate enchiladas and chips and salsa for dinner after a stressful commute, which certainly didn't help.  Fasting today, because we neither of us slept well last night.  Life could be somewhat better - at least the kitchen is done.

About to descend into 3-1/2 hours worth of stinking meetings.  Another reason I'm fasting - no opportunity to eat, really.

Yesterday:

• scrambled eggs
  
• bacon
  
• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• salad with salami and mozzarella in
  
• cheese
  
• chips and salsa
  
• cheese enchiladas with green chile
  

That was it.  Just too much carbs for the third day in a row, I think.  A little swollen, my gut is cranky.  Hard to say what the cause of the gain is, really.

Tuesday

149.4 this morning; I expect it's delayed reaction from Sunday.  Here's yesterday:

• scrambled eggs
  
• bacon
  
• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• salad with avocado, bacon, chicken, cheese, and caesar and ranch dressings (2 helpings)
  
• pizza made with the low-carb crust from Fat Head - awesome good
  
• two chocolate almonds with sea salt
  
• walnuts
  

That was it.  Which is why I don't think yesterday would have caused weight gain.  Similar pattern today - a salad for lunch and probably hamburger patties and zucchini noodles for dinner (got a spiral slicer for my birthday; gotta use it, obviously).

Monday

Interesting.  148.6 this morning.  Why, I do not know.  It may be simply that we are eating at home most nights, and eating breakfast fairly regularly.  I'll take it, certainly, and hope it continues to drop.

148.6 is up from yesterday, for what that's worth.  Certainly yesterday's eating wasn't targeted at weight loss, but I'm a bit surprised it wasn't up more (yesterday was 148.4).  Here's the breakdown:

• bacon
  
• tea with cream
  
• herbal stuff for menopause, but no other supplements
  
• meat and cheese
  
• potato chips - the dregs, not a lot
  
• nacho cheese Doritos (not very many)
  
• white chocolate "candy corn" M&Ms - part of a vending bag, to see what they were.  What they were was disgusting - and yet, I finished them.  Go figure.
  
• prime rib with truffle butter
  
• twice-baked potato
  
• two chocolate almonds with sea salt
  

So, rather a lot of carbs there.  Evidence that manufactured food is addictive - with the M&Ms, both Elizabeth and I agreed that they were disgusting, and yet, I did not throw them away.

No idea what we're eating for dinner tonight - possibly homemade enchiladas (would have to buy tortillas), or burgers with salad.  Something simple, anyway.

Friday

First of all, back to 149.2 this morning.  So, for whatever reason, it appears that my body is willing to lose weight right now, albeit slowly.  Fine, whatever.

However, last night, I had leg cramps again.  Shin cramps.  Side-of-the-lower-leg cramps, both inside and outside.  Possibly calf cramps.  All at the same time, making it really difficult to get them to stretch/relax out.  Was it dehydration?  Seems fairly unreasonable, really.  And I include both magnesium and potassium in my daily supplements, and they're the ones that supposedly get depleted in a cramping situation.  Furthermore, I was eating tortilla chips at dinner last night, so I'm not salt-deprived.  Go figure.  So I'm crazy worn out this morning.  Glad to be working from home, so I don't have to make nice-nice with any actual humans.

Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• cheese (1 piece, I think, maybe 2)
  
• a bag of peanuts
  
• a bag of M&Ms
  
• taco salad 
  
• guacamole
  
• chips
  
• chocolate salted almonds - oh, look!  more salt!
  

I think that was it.  Yesterday was tremendously stressful, though, and may have caused me to run right through my electrolyte stock or something.  Or the menopause herbs cause cramping as a side effect - that would be ironic, given that I'm taking them to help sleep.  Too early to tell if they're working or not, I think.

Weekend has arrived.  I'm going to make a braise of some sort for dinner, using a beef arm roast that we got from our grassfed beef suppliers.  I'm hoping that life gets a bunch more stress-free starting now.  Ugh.

Thursday

Another minor carb binge last night, with no ramifications - or not much.  149.6 again this morning.  Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• scrambled eggs
  
• sausage
  
• cheese
  
• brat (1) with sauerkraut
  
• hard cider
  
• potato chips
  
• salted dark chocolate almonds
  

That's the whole list - but the cheese and potato chips were consumed more than once in the evening.  I had a piece of cheese before dinner to take Advil with (nasty sinus headache), potato chips with dinner, and then both cheese and chips later in the evening, after a Costco run.

I'm taking additional menopause herbs starting last night.  Hot spells are becoming more acute and more frequent again, signalling another round of unbearable flashes, I expect.  So I bought something that has black cohosh and a bunch of other stuff in it supposed to be helpful - and am still taking the genistein in the mornings.  I had to do Benadryl last night to sleep - which worked great until the dog got sick at 2:00 am.  I slept through bout number 1, but when she barked to go outside for a second round at 2:30, I was awake for about an hour.  So I'm a little sleepy this morning.  And we sorta fasted breakfast so Lee could hit the road for a conference in the mountains; I have had a piece of cheese.  May need to get lunch today.

Wednesday

We ended up fasting breakfast yesterday; just didn't want to get up quite early enough to cook. I thought for a while that I might also end up fasting lunch, but had a lunch meeting with food served, so I had something, although, not all that much.  I wasn't hungry at noon, particularly. Haven't checked on ketosis, although I think we've been eating pretty low carb lately.  

150.0 this morning, despite what felt like bingeing at dinner.  Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements (these are starting to amount to a meal by themselves; I recently added ginkgo and CoQ10 to the mix)
  
• salad with nuts, feta cheese, craisins, apples, and balsamic vinaigrette
  
• a few chunks of chicken
  
• chips and salsa
  
• carne asada with guacamole
  
• a little bit of rice and beans
  
• cashews
  

Apart from the chips, which I had a lot of - we went through 2 bowls of them last night - I guess it wasn't all that bad.  I'm having a light stomach upset this morning, though, which isn't fabulous. Lee had one all last week; it may well be a bug of some sort.  Pretty funny, really, how not-sick we are anymore.  In a good way.

Tuesday

On Sunday, I weighed 149.2.  This morning, 150.4.  Do I know why?  No.  It is what it is - and I'm feeling more energetic and healthier than I have much of the summer, despite hot flashes and their ilk, so I won't complain.  Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• sugar cured ham
  
• bacon
  
• cheese
  
• walnuts
  
• almond flour faux-tmeal cookies
  
• potato chips
  
• Godiva chocolate pearls
  
• meat loaf
  
• salad with blue cheese dressing
  

I think that was it.  Breakfast was disappointing; we went to Cracker Barrel, anticipating a low-carb double meat breakfast, and they no longer offer low-carb anything; they've switched to Egg Beaters and hearthealthywholegrains crap.  I tweeted out that we were bummed and looking for another road restaurant, referencing their twitter handle; kinda expected some response, but nothing.

Did a lot of cooking over the weekend - spaghetti sauce, chicken pot pie with almond flour biscuit crust, sauteed kale, meatloaf, and other things; we only ate out for breakfast.  Even broke in the griddle by making griddle omelets on Saturday - execution was correct, but the fillings were off.  Oh, well.