Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Wednesday

Eating wasn't too bad yesterday, although well short of perfect, and we ended up not going to the gym, which wasn't good.  Attempting it again tonight. 155.6 again this morning, and fine with that; it's if anything, a stall, since I'm starting to see steady ketones in my evening tests and am having calf fasciculation - fortunately, fairly mild so far, with no cramping - in the evenings and mornings at work.

Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • strawberries - about 1/3 pound, I'd guess
  • two pieces of cheddar cheese
  • 12ish macadamia nuts, eaten because I was hungry
  • mesclun mix with roast beef and cheese and nasty vinaigrette on it
  • the meat and cheese out of half a sandwich
  • 1 piece of cheddar (I think)
  • chips (total of 8) and salsa and guacamole
  • chicken fajitas including bell peppers and tomatoes
  • 1 tsp honey
The chips were my biggest downfall, but once we got home, I managed not to eat anything else until bedtime, which I consider a minor triumph.  As mentioned, I finished off the macadamias I had in my desk around 10:30 due to hunger, and at lunch I disemboweled 2 sandwich halves and ate one on my salad and the other straight. They weren't bad, but it made an odd salad, since both sandwiches had flavored mayo in them, and the cheese on the salad sandwich was pepper-jack, which didn't really go with an overly sweet vinaigrette dressing (which I should have omitted entirely).

At dinner, we allowed ourselves to be persuaded to go to Santiago's instead of eating meat-and-leaves and going to the gym. We aren't very strong-willed, apparently. But I did keep the chip count low.

Another good night's sleep that took a while to start; I couldn't get my brain to shut down easily and my feet were cold. I am still having hot flashes during the day, but so far (cross-my-fingers) they've eased off at night.

Strawberries with a little drizzle of heavy cream for breakfast; I would have preferred bacon and eggs, but we slept in a bit. I have no food worth the name in my desk; could eat some coconut oil, I guess, if things get bad well before lunch - and I will. Unwich or salad for lunch and we will go from there.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Tuesday

Maintaining the momentum from the weekend, I ate quite well yesterday and did not give into the temptation to eat anything not planned in some way, and in the end, dinner was more nutritious than anticipated. 155.4 or .6 this morning - the scale couldn't decide between 2 attempts. Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • strawberries with whipped cream (sweetened 1 cup with 1 tsp of sugar)
  • hamburger patty with tomatoes and cheddar melted on top
  • about 1/2 cup of full-fat cottage cheese
  • a piece of cheddar
  • a salad with turkey breast meat and blue cheese dressing
  • 1 tsp honey
I didn't do any exercise yesterday at all, short of walking up the stairs a couple of times at work for meetings. I believe we will be going to the gym tonight, though.

Sleep was pretty good; took a while to get wound down at first, but I only woke once - briefly - at 12:22 am, and went right back to sleep after. Hot flashes at the moment seem to have dwindled into a sensation of heat without as much sweat, which is nice at night, and the lighter blankets are helping me a lot.

More strawberries for breakfast today, with cheese this time - we were out of the whipped cream. Meetings all bloody day, so the likelihood of a walk or anything during the day is rather remote.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Monday

Solid weekend. I got so much done both days, and it's always a pleasure to look back on that sort of weekend; I rather hate the ones spent reading or doing nothing much of use.  On Saturday, I finally got the leaves and dead stuff out of our large round garden bed in the front yard; haven't weeded it much yet, and it needs it, but it looks so much better.  Seven bags and a trash can full of rubbish from the effort, and I no longer feel guilty about our neighbors' yard, where our leaves had trespassed a bit. Sunday, with all the aches and pains from Saturday, we got the guinea pigs moved to Elizabeth's place, including the furniture they sit on, and went to the gym. I walked 2 miles in under 28 minutes total, using a new playlist, which I came home and modified immediately - it had a couple of songs defined as a high BPM which would only work that way if you walked double-time. I'm okay with the pace, but having to pay that much attention to the song was just too much work.

In any event, I hit goal on the FuelBand both days, without contrivances. Our plan is to hit the gym multiple times per week between now and the Bolder Boulder, so I will be in decent shape to do it this year.

Eating also went well; now that I see clearly what I've been doing (eating too much), it's pretty easy to calm things down and stop doing it. As a result, I saw 155.6 yesterday and was 156.0 this morning - the overall trend is in the right direction.  Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • fish oil (for stiffness - seems to be working)
  • 3-egg omelet with ham, cheese, and tomatoes
  • the innards of 2 Fuzzy's ground beef tacos (beef, cheese, lettuce, tomato, sauce)
  • 1 piece of cheddar cheese
  • 3 squares of Lindt 85% chocolate (eaten 1 after lunch and 2 after dinner)
  • 1 package of baked cheese crunchy snack thingies (more below)
  • 1/4 pound grassfed beef patty
  • a zucchini as zoodles with sour cream, butter, and parmesan
  • 1 tsp honey
I'm pretty sure that was it. Note that the snacking was subdued a great deal, in quantity of snacks per incident and in overall number of incidents. I was strict about avoiding starch, as well (not entirely sure what a zucchini is relative to starch, though).

We discovered the baked cheese snacks at the grocery store on Friday. They consist of nothing but cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese, and are not bad at all. A packet consists of about 10 of them, and the really nice feature (to me, at least) is the crunchiness. Apparently, they are being test-marketed here. They're a product of General Mills; they come in a box, but with just the one ingredient, as things stand today, I think they are something we can have regularly.

I had strawberries and leftover whipped cream for breakfast this morning, although I think I will be adding cottage cheese shortly, because I have it in my lunch and I am hungry now. I also have a leftover burger patty with tomatoes and cheese to melt on it while nuking, for my actual lunch. Something about BBQ pulled beef for dinner - something Lee found in a box somewhere, so probably sub-wonderful nutrition. I hope it's okay. I will have a very large salad with it, to help out.

A note on sleep - last weekend, I changed out the duvet for a lighter-weight one. It seems to have helped; I am waking a lot less frequently, and last night, I think I only woke up at 4:56 am for the first time. Not bad. I think I have a lot of sleep debt to work off, but as long as I'm not adding to it, things are improving.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Friday

I spent some time yesterday re-reading my early entries here, trying to figure out really where things have changed in how I eat.  A big takeaway is a variation on the portion-size theme - I think I'm eating quite a bit more these days in comparison to what I ate then. I was noting breakfasts initially of 2 eggs and 2 slices of turkey bacon; yesterday, I had 2 eggs (roughly), about 7 slices of bacon and 3 sausage links and a pat of butter. I didn't use to eat much cheese during the day - now, I'm eating a lot of it - 6 pieces yesterday. I found out that the tea with cream thing didn't start until August - that I didn't add it in until I'd lost 30 pounds, and that my final 20 pounds took 6 months to lose, as opposed to the 4 months it took to shed that first 30. Granted, the holidays were in the 6 month period, and once I hit 160, I was not striving to lose weight as hard, but I think there's still something that changed between those two periods that slowed things down, that I've done even more of since losing weight that has caused pounds to return.

I think it should be quite easy to cut back a bit. Fewer bacon slices at breakfast. No more than 2 hotdogs for lunch - we've been splitting a package of 7 between the 2 of us. One piece of cheese at a time, not 3. I may dump some of the nuts we have accumulated - or at least, freeze them so they don't go bad. No more sweetened chocolate stuff. More steak-and-salad meals.

All that said, here's yesterday (with some quantities):
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements (listed below)
  • scrambled eggs with peppers and cheese (about 2 eggs' worth, I think - and they were powdered eggs)
  • about 7-8 slices of bacon
  • 3 sausage links
  • a pat of butter
  • 6 pieces of cheese (2 batches of 3)
  • a handful of cashews
  • 1 milk-chocolate covered macadamia nut cluster
  • salad with blue cheese crumbles and blue cheese dressing
  • chicken covered with pork green chile and cheese - a breast with the bone sticking up
  • sauteed green beans
  • about 1/3 cup vanilla ice cream
  • 1 tsp honey
Here's what "the usual supplements" are these days:
  • One-a-Day multi for men (i.e., no iron)
  • 1 fish oil
  • 1 magnesium
  • 1 K2
  • 1 potassium
  • 1 biotin
  • 1 D3
And here's what yesterday would look like if I'd done it right:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • scrambled eggs with peppers and cheese (about 2 eggs' worth)
  • 2 slices of bacon
  • a pat of butter
  • 2-3 pieces of cheese, eaten one at a time
  • a handful of cashews (maybe)
  • salad with blue cheese dressing (no crumbles)
  • chicken as described above
  • sauteed green beans
  • 1 tsp honey
Can I do it right? Absolutely. In reading my old entries, I was really struck by how much better the changes made me feel - and that's still true. I still have no pain in my thumb joints. I still - even with the menopause stuff - am sleeping better than I did 4-5 years ago. I think I'm generally subject to less age-related malaise than I used to be. 

So today, instead of doing the Denny's "build your own slam" with 2 eggs and 6-9 slices of bacon, I had the eggs and 2 slices of bacon and a slice of ham. Not perfect, but better. We are having steak-and-salad for dinner tonight, and maybe some sauteed zucchini, since I know we have a lot of it in the fridge just now. 

Two goals - eating less food, returning to the quantities from 4 years ago; and eating more non-starchy vegetables.  That's it.

Oh, and I was at 158.0 this morning. Normal fluctuation, and a new starting point.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Thursday

I did pretty well at my work meeting thingie - in particular, I took walks on breaks, and darn near hit my FuelBand goal yesterday (10 points from 2500; I should have waved my arms around a bit more). I also ate fairly salad-intensive at the buffets and tried to avoid sugar unless attached to a piece of fruit. 157.6 today, which is less scary than 159.anything, seriously, but not where I want to get to. I feel pretty good, though, that I have made some headway getting my eating back on track. And in getting a little bit of movement in, during an event that would tend to make it pretty tough.

Now, to keep the momentum. We are going out to dinner to night for Lee's birthday, but at a place that should have meat-and-veg. And the meal is late enough that I might be able to get out for a walk before we leave (and after a 4:30 pm deployment for work). So that's another goal. Certainly, the weather has helped; it's been sunny and fairly decent this week.

Not sure I can do yesterday's eating, but here's a shot:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • strawberries
  • scrambled eggs
  • bacon
  • sausage
  • butter
  • salad with Louis dressing (no idea what that is, really, but it was vaguely 1000-islandish in appearance)
  • some sort of "blackened" chicken breast part
  • "gumbo" (totally not; it was tomato soup with okra and some sort of protein purportedly crabmeat in it)
  • 1 York peppermint pattie (a triumph; I did not also eat the bag of M&Ms in my possession at the time)
  • a small quantity of nuts, dried cranberries, chocolate chips and chocolate-covered raisins
  • salad with cheese
  • chicken breast
  • cheese because I was starving after dinner
  • 1 tsp honey
That's a humongous list, but the only "bad" stuff on it was the candy, and there wasn't much of that. Definitely could have been worse.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Tuesday

After yesterday's rant, I managed to keep my eating clean and light, and lost a pound of water somewhere - 158.6 this morning. I'm about to embark on a 3-day meeting for work at a hotel (not staying overnight, I'm happy to say), with meals designed by others for mass consumption. However, the snack options should be sorely limited. I brought my other container of soup with me to have as "brunch" before embarking on this "fun" (I hate multi-day "meetings"), and will look for salad-y options as much as possible, I guess. And will not drink at all; I found out last year at this event that HFLC and alcohol are a really bad combination. Planning on soda and lime if I'm trapped in a situation with an open bar - it looks like a G&T and I love the taste.

Anyway, here's yesterday's eating:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements, plus a One-A-Day (for men, no iron) multi (seeing if I'm missing some nutrient)
  • Fat Fast broccoli cheese soup
  • two pieces of cheese
  • a big salad with chicken, bacon, avocado, and blue cheese dressing
  • 1 tsp honey
That was it. We ate at the ballfield, watched about 3-1/2 innings (which took over 2 hours - slow game!), and went home to bed. I wasn't hungry, and obviously wasn't bored. Amusingly, I found myself all too interested in the bucket of popcorn being eaten by a woman in the row in front of us, but managed to restrain myself from reaching over and taking some - she kept holding it head-high, and it would have been physically easy.

I slept well last night, although it took a little while to get to sleep and I actually ended up turning the light on and reading a bit to get my mind calmed down. Part of the problem was being cold - once my feet warmed up, I was golden. I am quite sure I had some night sweats last night, and I was cold at sunrise again, but it's not disrupting my sleep. I think I woke up around 2:30 as well, just long enough to realize it wasn't time to get up yet, I'm glad to say.

I did not get out at lunch for a walk. I should have, but I didn't. And hiking around the ballfield looking for the salad place didn't do much to ameliorate the lack. I will try to get outside during the meetings, but in the past, that hasn't been very doable.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Monday

Sluggish weekend; while I accomplished things, none of them was particularly energetic - and they needed to be, I think. Which is to say, 159.6 this morning, and not happy. Time to get something - anything - under control.

When I tried the whole resistant starch thing a few months ago, I believe I gained 4 pounds in a weekend. 4 pounds, furthermore, that I was subsequently unable to lose. One would think that this would have provided me with useful information, but no - I felt compelled last week to try it again. Only 2 or 3 pounds this time, but then, I only took 1 tsp of potato starch. At all. Well, I also ate potato chips (they're cold, right?) and a little potato salad, and some country fries....

Note to self: potatoes may not be an ideal food for you. Also sugar.

I started on this odyssey of dietary improvement about 4 years ago, weighing 32 pounds more than I do now. All things considered, that's an achievement. But somewhere along the road, I've lost my way, and am really struggling to find it again.

I suppose it is possible that by going VLC, I messed up my metabolism a bit. I also suppose it is possible that I've narrowed my eating down so much that I'm starting to miss key nutrients, making me eat in a very binge-y fashion. Stress is a possible contributor - the stupid long commute (seriously, what was I thinking???), the work at nights, the bad cultural fit at work, and then there's that whole lack-of-sleep stuff and Lee's job situation. And hormones, which I think I've been letting take more of the blame than is probably realistic.

Here's what I'm seeing, I think.  

SOMETHING (exact factor TBD) is causing me to go on snacking raids far too frequently, and that something is definitely not hunger. I am not hungry; I want something to chew. I am bored, or frustrated. I need to stop that, somehow.

SOMETHING (I have my suspicions here, but could be wrong) is causing me to crave sweets. And not fruit, but chocolate, sometimes even cookies - though I do resist eating the latter. I don't always give in, but when I don't, I find myself eating things like cashews instead.

I have lost a good pattern for my daily meals. We used to have breakfast, then I would sometimes skip lunch and sometimes eat it, and then we would have dinner, which tended to be meat and leaves. Nowadays, we eat breakfast more rarely, and I still sometimes skip lunch and sometimes eat it and sometimes eat snack-shaped stuff (macadamia nuts being a good example) during the day as a lunch-substitute. Generally we eat dinner, and generally, it's not awful for us, but isn't always meat and leaves.

I am currently low energy and struggling to get any exercise into a given day. That says to me one of two things: either I'm reacting to the crap sleep that menopause brings, or I'm in starvation/fat-storage mode for some reason. Maybe both.

This seems like a pretty good summary of the things I'm fighting right now. I would love to say that fixing sleep would fix everything else - and maybe it would; failure to get adequate rest is a major stressor as well as a cause of being sluggish, and certainly I've read somewhere that tired people eat more as a way to get more energy. All well and good, but the problem I face is that I don't know how to fix my sleep right now. Melatonin has helped, as has the honey, and I will stick with both to keep things from getting worse.

I think we can sort through the meal pattern. Not sure I recognized until just now that I've been reinforcing the snack-eating habit with the macadamias at work, and that's something I can get stopped. I will talk to Lee tonight and see if we can figure out a mutually agreeable pattern, since we tend not to approach this issue quite the same way.

Finally, I need to put a bit more effort into getting a walk at lunchtime. Even a short one. Starting today. It ought to help with the sleep, and maybe with some strength issues I've been working on - and there is the little matter of the upcoming Bolder Boulder in about a month.

All that said, and skipping entirely what I ate yesterday, I have Fat Fast broccoli cheese soup for lunch today. I will eat it and avoid the macadamias unless starvation hits, and I will get out around lunchtime for a short walk around the building. It's a start, at least.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Friday

159.2 this morning. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong, and need to change. Unfortunately, my fear is that what I'm doing wrong is going through menopause, and what needs to change is for that to stop - something over which I have no control. I really don't know what to do. All I can do, I guess, is eat as healthy as possible and hope that it's enough, and that when I finally finish this torment, maybe my metabolism will stabilize. Or something.

I'm sticking with the gut bugs. Adding some "safe starch" in a state I hope includes some resistant starch (e.g., cold potato salad) to feed them. More fruit and veg - but not to excess. Oh, what does it matter? This is more or less what I eat, anyway. 

Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements, plus SBO probiotics
  • olives
  • pulled pork with cole slaw
  • a pickle spear
  • brats
  • more cole slaw
  • sauerkraut
  • potato chips
  • 1 tsp honey
I think I had a row of TJ's dark chocolate, but I honestly can't recall eating it, so maybe I didn't.

Sleep was not optimal. I woke up at 2:00 - on the dot, when I checked the time. Took about an hour to get back to sleep, with the usual issues. At least that gave me more sleep afterwards than I was getting when the wake up was at 3:30. 

I'm very frustrated. And I do know that some of this weight is water, but seriously, it's not 20 pounds of water, or even 10. I'm bloated from the gut bugs, though I expect they'll settle down in the next couple of days. What I really want is to get my energy levels up; I'm so tired right now, and I can't get enough exertion in to sleep through the night.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Thursday

Another not so great night's sleep last night. Just when I think I have things somewhat under control in one area, they squeeze out somewhere else. Woke up once thinking it had been a full night's sleep; not yet midnight. Woke up again, and it was 3:30 am and the dog was doing some pre-whining - noises not quite a whine, but enough to wake both of us up with the awareness that a whine was forthcoming. So I got up to go to the bathroom, and Lee let her out. I know I was mostly awake an hour later, but not much after that, and I think I did the fitful-doze thing in between times, and slept at least through about a half-hour worth of radio alarm. All this after taking 10mg of melatonin rather than 3; go figure. Red Bull on the way to work this morning and I'm functional.

For the record, the hot flashes do appear to be diminishing as tangible events; what seems to be occurring mostly is some wide and non-circadian swings in body temperature, so I warm up shortly after falling asleep in the first place, and when morning comes, I'm absolutely freezing at the core. I certainly hope that this is indicating the end of this bout, but I don't think I'm holding my breath just yet.

157.0 again today; here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • scrambled eggs
  • turkey sausage
  • the usual supplements, plus the SBO probiotic
  • salami
  • macadamias
  • steak
  • caesar salad, no croutons
  • green beans
  • a row of the TJ's 73% cacao bar
  • 1 tsp honey
I think that was it; whatever carb cravings I had the day before seem not to have been in play last night, for which I am grateful. I spent some time hunting down an audiobook to try listening to on my commute, to make it less of a complete waste of time; found a free version (libra vox) of Moby Dick, which I had started to read via eBook, and had it going this morning - good stuff! I'm hoping it will cut down on the stress of spending at least 2 hours a day on the road. It has to be better than talk radio these days.

Returning to eating and weight and what-not, I was NOT in ketosis last night, but I'm having fasciculation in my calves this morning and a bit last night, so feel like the ketone metabolism is still going and I might yet save it. Olives this morning on top of the Red Bull, and I'm trying out a BBQ lunch truck for lunch - pulled pork and cole slaw. I have not yet broached the potato starch; the SBO probiotic supposedly contains some prebiotic fiber in the capsules, so as long as I get some (soluble fiber or RS or something) in my diet somewhere, I have hopes that the flora will settle in and colonize a bit. Lee's taking them too - somewhat reluctantly, because his pile o' supplements at breakfast is much larger than mine - and since he eats bananas and things like sweet potatoes, I'm not going to worry about him failing to provide anything for the little buggers to eat.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Wednesday

I think I'm having stupid carb cravings again; I was struck by a need for M&Ms yesterday afternoon, and went downstairs to the machines and ended up buying a large vending bag of trail mix.  This, on the heels of two days' straight hoovering up of chocolate blueberries. I don't know if it's stress or hormones or both, but I would certainly like better mastery of it.

157.0 this morning; is anyone really surprised?  Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • scrambled eggs
  • turkey sausage
  • cheese
  • salami
  • trail mix
  • macadamias
  • burger with cheese embedded in it
  • tomato slices
  • pickle slices
  • potato salad
  • about 2 potato chips
  • a row of a TJ's 73% chocolate bar
  • 1 tsp honey
That's a long damn list. No wonder I'm gaining weight. Lee keeps packing me a "lunch", and I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him either to knock it off or to reduce the serving size - yesterday, it was 3 largish hunks of cheddar and about 12-15 slices of salami; today it's just the salami, but a huge slab. I've put it in the work fridge today, and plan on only eating it if I'm actually hungry at some point - which I doubt I'll be, because he's gone back to making breakfast as well. I hope he finds a job soon - anything.

I'm reading more and more about the benefits of resistant starch (RS), and while I'm not entirely sold, I may try it in SMALL quantities again. I have also purchased a bottle of soil-borne organism probiotics - so not entirely lactobacillus, which don't colonize the large intestine, and took some this morning. So far, while I'm feeling some turbulence in my gut, I'm not seeing any bad effects - apparently this stuff works very n=1.

Sleep was a bit dicey last night; took a while to get there, and I woke at 3:30 and was awake until 5. I'm a bit tired this morning. Still, it was quality sleep, so I could be worse.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Tuesday

Sleep last night was nearly normal; I sort of recall being hot and throwing off the covers, but not being specifically awake while doing so. I woke up for real at 4:20ish, I think, and fell back asleep quickly until the alarm went off. Nice! Crazy weird dreams, as usual with the honey/melatonin combo. I figure my brain has a lot to sort out at night.

156.0 again this morning; here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • turkey sausage (3 links)
  • leftover meatballs with spaghetti sauce
  • leftover tomato-cucumber salad with vinaigrette
  • macadamia nuts
  • cheese
  • grilled chicken breast
  • salad with blue cheese dressing
  • the bane of my existence (now gone from our house) chocolate blueberries
  • 1 tsp honey
I finished the stupid blueberries - I cannot resist them, so they're gone, and I won't buy more. After eating them, I finished sewing a skirt, partly because of fidgetiness (I don't appear to be in ketosis much right now, but maybe I'm still using a few ketones), and partly to keep from eating anything else. It worked - and I have a new skirt.

Today, I had breakfast (egg and sausage), I am having lunch (salami and cheese), and probably will also have dinner. I don't know how that will work out, but am hoping that it will better hit the nutritional deficiencies. More salads, more opportunities for a range of foods, I think.

No exercise to speak of yesterday; maybe I will manage to get out for a walk today, since the weather is warmer.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Monday

While I don't know if I'm still in ketosis (recent tests would indicate maybe not), I had the ketosis busy-fidgets all weekend and got a lot done.  Raked up all the dog poo in the back yard. Bagged and froze pounds and pounds of meat. Made curtains for the kitchen. Made most of a skirt. Helped (a little) Elizabeth get things set up in her new house. It was good to get things accomplished.

One thing that has helped is having had some sleep. I went back on melatonin late last week - maybe Friday night, actually - and while it isn't granting me uninterrupted bliss for 8 hours, it is allowing me to stay mostly asleep while dealing with the temperature fluctuations - and I'm no longer waking up at midnight thinking it's morning. I'll take it. Friday, I was so tired, I slept through a one-hour radio alarm. It was definitely adding to my stress, and I think I have enough stress these days. 

156.0 this morning, not good. I have just about decided that my weight is in the hands of the hormones, and that all I can really do is concentrate on eating healthy, hoping at some point that things settle down and I can get rid of the 15 pounds I've regained. Healthy eating for me means pretty darn low-carb, fat, meat, and veg, and a little fruit. So that's the plan for now. I think that the whole weight loss failure of late has also been adding to the stress. I have not felt healthy.

All that said, I didn't eat very healthy this weekend; here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements (I think???)
  • bacon
  • cheese
  • about 3 potato chips
  • meatballs with spaghetti sauce
  • tomato-cucumber salad with italian dressing
  • low-carb focaccia "bread" (i.e., pizza crust served without the toppings - and it worked)
  • FAILFAILFAIL - half a carton of chocolate covered blueberries
I didn't bother with honey last night, for obvious reasons, although I have resumed it as well (and am getting the concomitant "entertaining" dreams). I decided, for all the wrong reasons, to open the chocolate blueberries and have a few, and for even worse reasons, took the carton into the living room with me - and just mindlessly ate my way through half of it. Stupid, especially as after about 1/3 of the container, they didn't even taste good - too sweet. 

Chicken for dinner tonight, and I brought the leftover meatballs and salad for lunch. I had some turkey sausage this morning, and will probably eat some macadamias. Saturday was a good exercise day - with the poo-raking, I hit my FuelBand goal. It snowed yesterday, so I didn't get anywhere near it.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Friday

Tired, discouraged, in a very pissant mood today. 156.0; even with chemical assistance, I didn't sleep well last night. Menopause is kicking my ass right now.

Yesterday started well enough, but ended poorly:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • cheese
  • salad with chicken, bacon, cheese, avocado, and blue cheese dressing
  • macadamia nuts, I think
  • two tortilla chips with salsa
  • chicken fajitas with guac, salsa, sour cream, cheese
  • refried beans
  • stupid damn cashews - frustration eating
I'm bloaty and achy and so tired I'm practically weeping this morning. It's like being sick, without anything that would make others sympathetic and helpful, and I feel compelled to try to carry on, all the while feeling like a month-long nap would maybe make a dent. Except that right now, a month-long nap would be torment, because I would be unable to control my body temp. 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Thursday

Where to start? Not all that much going on, really. At which point, I paused to think, and sat very still for about 5 minutes with a completely empty brain. Tired? Yeah. At one point last night, I rolled over, and in lifting up the covers, realized that the sheet felt like it had just been ironed - very very warm. From laying on my hip. I kept the pillow-speaker playing old radio all night, and spent the hours from midnight until 4 am half-waking, rolling over, finding the speaker, listening to 3-4 minutes' worth, and falling back to sleep. Also working carefully around the edges of leg cramps - I didn't quite have to leap from bed, but it was close. Oddly enough, I think that last might be a good sign.

155.4 this morning - more oscillation, I'd guess. Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • red bull total zero
  • salami (12 pieces - I counted)
  • macadamia nuts
  • cheese
  • pulled pork and cole slaw, with BBQ sauce on
  • cashews
  • a row of TJ's 73% chocolate bar
Which looks pretty good, except for the cashews. I really need to stop grabbing the jar, because I overeat them when I do. Trace ketosis at bedtime - I'd tend to blame the BBQ sauce and slaw dressing as being too sweet. Nonetheless, a pretty low carb day, if not as high fat as I might wish.

Breakfast today was 2 pieces of cheese and an extra dollop of cream. I have a salad ordered for a working lunch, with blue cheese dressing, I hope. And no idea what to have for dinner, although probably steaks.

No exercise yesterday, unless you count moving my work desk around a bit, and thrashing all night. At first, I thought I felt more rested today than yesterday, but now that I'm at the office, not so much. I'm kind of staring into space at the least lack of stimulus. Probably going to be a long day; guess I need to get out and walk a bit some time this morning, maybe.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Wednesday

Advil PM night last night, so I slept through with a brief awakening at 2:40 to go to the bathroom. It was triggered by a night-sweat episode, and I'm sure I had other night sweats last night, so I'm starting to wonder if maybe certain of these are accompanied by a mini panic attack - a flood of adrenalin - and that's what makes it so hard to get back to sleep ordinarily, and why other times, I'm able to roll with it. I don't know, and since whatever-it-is happens just before it wakes me up, I can't say that I ever will know. But something to think about.

Anyway, I'm feeling shaky, achy, and lethargic this morning - not entirely sure the better living through chemistry option is really delivering. And the weight is up to 155.8 today, after Small-Moderate ketosis last night and not a lot of eating. Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • scrambled eggs with ham and mushrooms
  • two hunks of coconut oil - maybe 2 tsp total
  • salami - probably about 10-12 slices (Lee's portioning it, and being too generous)
  • 3 macadamia nuts (I wasn't much hungry)
  • cashews - out of the jar, so probably more than a single handful, but not much more - by dinnertime, I was starving, but was waiting on Elizabeth to get home
  • hamburger patty (Omaha steaks, not grassfed)
  • a zucchini's worth of zoodles with sour cream, butter, and Parmesan
  • a slice of swiss cheese (before dinner, I think)
Since we ate dinner close to 7:00, I didn't have anything else to eat after. My ankles and feet are a bit puffy, and the achiness indicates some inflammatory stuff going on, but man, is this getting discouraging.

Today has started with another Red Bull - not a great pattern to get into, but at the moment, it's allowing me to function. As usual, I will keep having these hot flashes until I don't - and there's no predicting when that will occur. Total suckage.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Tuesday

So, is 3:30 am yesterday or today? I was up at that hour having a teaspoon of honey in an effort to get back to sleep.  Not sure if it worked or not; I fell asleep about an hour later, I think, but it's possible I would have done that anyway. Woke up at 2:30 - the usual thing. I also woke at 10:30 and was able to get back to sleep quickly. So I'm working on something slightly less than 6 hours sleep today and, while I'm not quite at the end of my rope, it's certainly visible from here. Ugh.

155.0 this morning; moderate ketosis last night. Here's yesterday (through 3:30 this morning):
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • red bull total zero
  • salami
  • macadamias
  • low-carb pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms - 3/8 of it
  • a slice of swiss cheese
  • a handful of olives
  • the aforementioned teaspoon of honey
No exercise yesterday, and by bedtime, I was quite tired; I think I fell asleep pretty close to 9:00, which is how I can get even close to 6 hours. I had scrambled eggs with ham and mushrooms for breakfast, salami and macadamias to eat at work again, and probably will have burgers and zoodles for dinner.

And I have coconut oil in my drawer here. Maybe a little MCT would help me function today.

Quite apart from screaming exhaustion, I am starting to feel the benefit of the ketosis - my brain is feeling sharp and focused and competent. So that's a good thing. 

Off to eat coconut oil. Wish I actually liked the taste of it.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Monday

I got a lot done this weekend, although sleep was not one of those things.  Cleaned out another garden bed - 2 bags of leaves and sticks - and made another skirt - 2 down, 1 to go there. So I didn't eat much, and it was mostly good.  155.2 this morning, which is more than Friday, but less than yesterday. I suspect some muscle work inflammation, mostly. I was at 154.2 on Saturday morning, and saw a Moderate ketosis Friday night, followed by 2 days of Trace.

Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • scrambled eggs with green chile and cheese
  • bacon - 4 pieces, I think
  • cheese
  • steak with garlic gorgonzola butter on it
  • green beans
  • 1/3 of a portion of creme brulee (not very sweet)
  • a glass of pinot noir
  • walnuts - several handfuls
I opted not to do honey last night, since it's not been working all that well lately.  Both Friday and Saturday nights were broken near or before midnight with a 2+ hour period of being awake, which was brutal. Instead, I opted for a single Advil PM, to help with aches and pains and sleep all at once.  Better than doing 2; I woke once at 1:30ish, mad that it wasn't a lot later, but sensibly decided to go back to sleep - and was able to, almost immediately, without audio. I woke again at 5:22, I think. Not bad. I know I slept through hot flashes - had a partial awareness (not sure it qualified as being awake) that I was sweating a lot, but it didn't wake me up. I may just have to resort to the single Advil PM every third night or so, to cope for a while - not ideal, but it's sleep. For the record, I crashed around 8:30 last night and was well asleep before 9:00. I was a bit groggy this morning, and had a RedBull on the way to work - not Paleo, I know, but sometimes helpful. It was the total zero version, which is no-carb.

The gardening on Saturday was good exercise, although my FuelBand died in the middle of it, so I don't know exactly how good. Ah, well.

Back to very high fat today - salami and macadamias, and LC pizza for dinner.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Friday

I cannot win. I cannot break even. And last night, I wasn't even allowed to play the game. Sleep was great, actually - from 9:30ish to 1:19 am. When I woke up feeling like it was morning - at least 4, if not later. Nope - just menopause effing with my mind. At 3:13, I was still awake, although Lee says I fell asleep soon after that. Still, that missing 2 hours is brutal; I hurt all over and am clumsy and stupid this morning. Good thing I don't have to commute, I guess. I'm not sure how to fix this - we've ruled out melatonin, the hormone stuff didn't make a dent, and I can't take benadryl every night. Even the honey is failing me for sleep continuity; what I do get still seems to be quality sleep. All I can think to do is to swear off the iPad after dinner - with Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest all gone for Lent, it isn't providing me with much to do anyway - I play solitaire, and I can skip that, for certain. I will try switching to real books at night.

Anyway, I'm at 155.0 this morning, and was in Moderate ketosis again last night.  Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • the usual supplements
  • cheese
  • salami
  • macadamias
  • pot roast (came in a box, but no flour or weird stuff)
  • smashed cheesy cauliflower
  • 1 tsp honey
I was stuffed after dinner, so I didn't have anything else to eat that I can think of - maybe more cheese, but that would be it. Looking above, I'd say it was great for fat and protein and maybe needed a bit more plant matter; we should have had salad as well. Nonetheless, I will be working on continuity more today; started right with eggs and bacon.

Yesterday was difficult; I think the benadryl buzz transitioned seamlessly into low-carb flu, and I was glad to head home. I don't know if today will be a repeat, but I think I will be okay by Monday in any event.

No real exercise at all yesterday; it was snowy out so I didn't even get my short walk in. Today should be better, I hope.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Thursday

I caved last night - took 2 Advil PM, and got sleep from 10-4 straight, I believe. After that, I couldn't get warm - or cold - or warm - and stayed mostly awake until the alarm went at 5:30. I am still reeling with the aftereffects of dear old benadryl. Maybe a good thing, as it snowed overnight and my commute was full of skillful drivers who were doing their best to pull donuts on a wet freeway. 90 minutes of that, and I arrive at work, still feeling hypnotized or something. I am drinking tea and hoping it will wear off soon.

Anyway, still 156.6 this morning. On the other hand, I was in Moderate ketosis last night - finally. I mean to stick with pretty strict HFLC for a week or so, see if I can get it cemented in. Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • strawberries with clotted cream
  • the usual supplements
  • salami
  • macadamia nuts
  • naked Qdoba burrito with shredded beef, salsa, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole
  • small handful of cashews
  • cheese
  • 1 tsp honey
So, it's doable. And I will continue to do it. Cheese and tea with cream so far this morning, and I have salami and macadamias with me.

Not much exercise yesterday; I got a 3-lap walk around the building mid-day, and a bit of shopping in the evening, but nothing more exciting than that.

Hot flashes ongoing, but somewhat less sweaty than a week ago; maybe they're already at an ebb. That would be extremely nice.

I have plans to garden this weekend. The snow is supposed to stop during the day today and start melting, so as long as that happens, I'm good.

Now if only I could go take a nap...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Wednesday

Interesting. I stopped the progesterone cream after Monday night's dose, and I'm not saying it's why I feel odd, but I'd give it the benefit of the doubt. By odd, I mean "buzzy" - I'm literally vibrating at a high frequency, low amplitude, just now. Kind of nasty. I think, looking back, that I was buzzy overnight as well - I know that I didn't sleep deeply at all, but couldn't really put my finger on why. I'm not really sure how much I slept; I know I looked at the time at just after midnight, but it didn't feel as if I'd been asleep before that although I could not recall being awake either. After that, I was unconscious - it didn't feel like sleep - until around 4:30. I'm weary but not sleepy at the moment, possibly because of the buzz. 

156.6 this morning - more oscillation. Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • strawberries with clotted cream
  • salami
  • macadamias
  • cheese
  • steak
  • salad with blue cheese dressing
  • a glass of Riesling
  • a row of TJ's dark chocolate bar
  • a bag of Zapps potato chips
  • 1 tsp honey
Everything is identifiable as food (except maybe the Cajun Spice mix on the Zapps). The Zapps were probably a mistake - we were reading news about earthquakes this week and Yellowstone is starting to get a bit restless, so I decided that if the supervolcano is going to blow, I might as well eat the Zapps. However, the Chile earthquake was probably the point of all of the others, so no world-ending mess is looming and I could have waited. On the other hand, they're gone now.

I was in "Trace" ketosis last night, finally and definitely. It's a start. More strawberries, clotted cream, salami, and macadamias this morning, and pot roast and mashed cauliflower for dinner (and salad - must eat the dressing, since we finally found some real Roquefort cheese).

And I got a walk at lunch and one after dinner last night. Nearly have the gardening worked out of my hamstrings, and I was within 30 points of goal on the NikePlus. I tried waving my arm around after going to bed, but it didn't work enough.

One other factor I want to throw in that might have affected sleep - I watched TV, and paid attention to it, all the way to 9 pm last night. Normally, I don't - I read or play Solitaire on my iPad after about 8, if not earlier. Evening Faces? Maybe.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Tuesday

Still stiff and sore - possibly stiffer than yesterday, which is the general pattern when I do something like this. I took 3 Advil immediately on getting up, which just shows you. We did not go for a walk last night, which was a bad decision on my part; if we had, I think I would have eaten better, since Lee wanted to walk to a sports bar and back, eating in the middle. Instead, we drove for Chinese - and it was bad Chinese. Slightly sweet Hot & Sour soup, and the meat was caked with some sort of starch. Gave me indigestion at 1 am, which I was fully awake to appreciate (not).

156.4 this morning; some of yesterday was indeed water, but I continue to oscillate, and I want that to stop. Here's yesterday:
  • tea with cream
  • strawberries with clotted cream
  • macadamia nuts
  • cheese
  • hot and sour soup
  • 2 or 3 fried noodles with chinese mustard
  • Mongolian beef, beef, starch, and onions
  • a fortune cookie
  • 1 tsp honey
I think I got more to eat after we'd been home for a while, and it was probably cheese, but I don't recall getting it or eating it; I was pretty easily distracted last night, and spent quality time dumping jelly down the dispose-all and relabeling and refilling spice jars. I can now vouch for green chile powder's ability to clear one's sinuses - I didn't even sniff, and spent 5 minutes sneezing violently while transferring it.

Sleep started out great, and I woke up bright-eyed and refreshed - at 10:46 pm. Also 11:46 pm, and 1:20ish. At that point, I stayed awake until after 3 - possibly closer to 4. The menopause stuff is certainly not making anything better, and it very possibly is making it worse. So I stopped all of it this morning - I really can't find a valid reason to mess with hormone levels as an amateur when I can get just as crappy sleep without. I don't really understand why I am so very resistant to all this stuff, but I've never once found anything that I can conclusively say helped me with this. Especially as my pattern of hot flashes is to have them for a couple of months and then have them stop for a while on their own. If I were a stay-at-home housewife, I could deal with this by sleeping in a bit and being kind to myself, but I'm not, and I can't; I have to get up and drive 40 miles to work, be professional and exercise good judgement for 8 or so hours, and drive 40 miles home. And. I. Hate. It. But there it is, and there's absolutely no point in wasting my feeble mental capacity on hating it; I need it for other things.

Looking at yesterday's eating, the starch, the noodles, and the fortune cookie were relatively minor amounts of carbs, and I think I'm getting maybe 5 strawberries at breakfast. I am trying to get back to a meat-fat-leaves sort of eating pattern, not very successfully (possibly the feeble mental capacity is impeding me here, too), and will just keep trying. I don't know what else to do right now. I ate as many of the onions in the Mongolian Beef as I could manage, knowing that they aren't the best of friends with my gut flora, but knowing that they're full of inulin. Probably the source of my indigestion. Today is steak and salad for dinner - either that or the steaks get wasted on the dogs, and some of them are Prime, which I'd dearly hate to waste. More strawberries and clotted cream for breakfast, and salami and macadamias for lunch (I was hungry yesterday afternoon).