Friday

157.2 this morning; here's yesterday:

• scrambled eggs
  
• turkey sausage
  
• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• macadamia nuts (half what I bring when I fast breakfast)
  
• a vending bag of peanuts (boredom snacking)
  
• a piece of cheddar cheese
  
• low-carb pepperoni pizza (1/2 pizza)
  
• dark chocolate with almonds
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

I didn't have an urge to snack after dinner, which is good for a change. But I'm obviously still fighting weight I don't want. And the hot flashes have returned at night - and are nearly constant just now - I'm having a brutal time trying to sleep between that and Lee's cold (snoring, hacking, choking, etc). I woke up so many times last night I lost count - starting before midnight, I'm pretty sure. I'm not as sleepy as I was yesterday, but it wasn't good.

I think I'm going to the gym tonight, probably alone. Maybe also Sunday. I read somewhere that exercise might help with the flashes. Better that than herbs, I think. And I need to improve my strength, still.

Thursday

My feet did swell up yesterday; not as much as while in New Orleans, but more even than what I've considered annoying-but-normal over the past few months. Better this morning, but still more than that threshold, so I think there's still water to be lost there. 156.6 this morning.

Sleep was rough last night - I did a modified fat fast for the day with dinner, and for some reason, it tripped the leg cramps. I was up at least twice, possibly more (sometimes, I leap from the bed and stomp out a cramp without waking up). I had "honey-quality" sleep, though, so what I got was pretty good. We crashed well before 9, and I woke up about 3:30 again, with a very short nap after my alarm went off 2 hours later. Lee has a cold, which doesn't help either; he was either snoring or hacking a good bit during the hours I was awake and trying not to be. I'm sleepy this morning, which is unusual for me - and I was sleepy yesterday afternoon, which is so rare that it sort of freaked me out.

Here's yesterday:

• tea with lots of heavy cream
  
• the usual supplements (these days, that's fish oil, magnesium, biotin, potassium, D3, and K)
  
• macadamia nuts throughout the day
  
• meatballs and spaghetti sauce with mozzarella
  
• salad with balsamic vinaigrette
  
• very dark chocolate with almonds - 3 squares
  
• cashews - I didn't do a measured serving, but got tired of them quickly, so I don't think it was a lot
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

That was it. Eggs and sausage for breakfast this morning, and macadamias if I get hungry. 

I would like to say we're going to the gym tonight, but I don't think we are. Maybe tomorrow.

Also, I am getting ready to order a crock and weights to do home ferments - the Cooling Inflammation blog has convinced me we need homemade sauerkraut and pickles, and I need the equipment to do it right.

Wednesday (aka "vacation +1")

That was fun. As always, really. We ate - a lot, not all that well, so I am actually rather pleased to see only 157.8 this morning. Bread, breaded food, stuffed eggplant, roux, a beignet, trail mix, potato chips, king cake, pie crust - I think that's the list... Nope, also gummy bears. 

My feet swelled up like balloons, and didn't really settle down until this morning - and I'm not sure they aren't about to do it again; they feel a bit suspicious.

I won't go into details of yesterday's eating; we will be starting down the straight and narrow again as of today.

I slept fairly well without honey while we were gone, considering nasty hotel beds and flat pillows and weird lighting. Back to the honey last night, and slept from shortly after 9 until 3:44. Unfortunately, at that time, I noticed a funny beeping noise going off occasionally, and by the time I'd tracked it down and made it stop (the phone battery was dying), I was wide awake.

What else? Driving for 8-10 hours produces 2500 fuel points on my wristband. Not useful, really. I almost had a streak going, but opted not to do anything silly to get the final 100 points last night. My knees were almost not up to the challenge of this vacation, which I'm not happy about - we will be working on that at the gym, probably starting tonight or tomorrow.

As our friend Chuck remarked on Sunday, we have got all the carbon cleared out of our souls again for the year. And we will go back next year.

Tuesday

155.0 this morning and not surprised; here's yesterday:

• tea with extra cream
  
• macadamia nuts (possibly more than usual but I don't know for sure)
  
• taco salad - 1/2 pound grassfed beef, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream, salsa
  
• a bunch of dark chocolate cherries - probably 8 or 10
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

Stress. I'm leaving on vacation this afternoon, and had some scrambling and list making to do last night and was eating the cherries to avoid doing any of it. It all got done, even the stuff this morning, and I'm as ready to go as I can think to be. As is the house ready for our house sitter.

More cream and macadamias today; I will probably have some sort of McNaked burger for dinner at the airport. After that, I'm in New Orleans for 5 days followed by 2 on the road, and all bets are off. I will try to keep things reasonable, but,... roux.

Monday

Going to be one of those days, I guess - Gmail is unreachable from work, although my phone seems fine reaching it. Fortunately, I always have a Plan B. So, let's see. How are things going?

Overall, things are a bit weird. On Friday, my sleep spoiled by 2 hours of dog whining, I had a minor breakdown, resulting in my family changing the start date of the dogs' stay at the kennels to Saturday. I took them there around 10 Saturday morning and subsequently had a quiet weekend. I did not realize how high maintenance they are, even compared with Chelsea, our previous dog. I found myself in the shower at one point, realizing that I didn't need to worry about what had been eaten when I got out. Our dogs are a lot like 2-year-olds, really. Anyway, I got a lot of rest, and am feeling a lot better than I did Friday, and I'm sure they are happy and well cared for. 

As regards eating, my weekend was utter crap. I think I ate a total of 2 "meals" all weekend, and just snacked a bunch. Not only that, but snacked on cashews and chocolate covered cherries from TJs and cheese. Those three items pretty much describe my diet all weekend, with the exception of leftover LC pizza as Saturday lunch, and a cheeseburger patty and sauerkraut as dinner last night. Surprisingly, most of the water weight is gone and my ankles feel nice and thin and bony, and I weigh 154.2 this morning. Which is down from Friday. My jeans also feel roomy, which they haven't in a while. Good timing, since our Mardi Gras stuff starts Wednesday (I fly out tomorrow!!!).

No food log from yesterday; I would certainly forget key things. Today is a heavy cream and macadamia morning with something composed of hamburger for dinner - probably a taco salad, to clean out the fridge.

Friday

Morning Faces cannot overcome the 3 am dog. Not the Black Dog; a real one, white with black spots and a dislike for sleeping all night in his crate. 3 am, he starts moaning softly. He's done this the past 2 nights, and I am adamant; he's staying put. He's also adamant - the noise went on for over 2 hours, even with me letting him outside and forcing him back into his crate afterwards. I am as cranky as I have been in my life right now. 

155.0 this morning as well. A gut full of waste products, partly, but I think the message is clear. I am not losing weight. I am not going to lose weight. I am a menopausal woman, and weightloss is not allowed. 

Fine. I will do my best to stay healthy, but maybe it's time to stop getting on the scale every morning. Decent time to try, anyway, since I'm leaving town on Wednesday. 

Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream (extra)
  
• the usual supplements
  
• macadamia nuts
  
• low-carb crust pizza with pepperoni - I ate 3/4 of one.
  
• about 8 dark-chocolate covered coconut pieces
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

I wasn't snacky last night, but no idea if there was sufficient protein in my diet yesterday. I had planned to fat fast through the weekend and start eating a veg-heavy approach on Monday; maybe I will still do that, but in the meantime, I need to get some meat in me. Maybe taco salad tonight.

For all the dog aggravation, SleepCycle thinks I slept well. It doesn't show me as awake between 3 and 5, even though I was. I know who I can thank for that. Wonder if I could do a reset on it? I think I just have time.

Thursday

First, N=1 progress readouts. I wore the ski goggles again last night, this time, surfing Twitter on my iPad and watching TV. While it's obvious that they're changing the color spectrum I'm seeing, I wasn't noticeably sleepier at all and still took about 1/2 hour to get to sleep once I turned the lights out. Everything I've read has indicated that this works almost immediately, and they're inconvenient (moreso after Jack took them and chewed on them and removed some of the foam yesterday), so I think I'm going to suspend that experiment. I may retry in future with real blu-blockers, but I think the ski goggles are a bust.

Also unfortunately, Jack woke up at 1 am and started whining, then got on the bed and started barking at nothing for a while, so my sleep was somewhat shit. I woke up around 11:30 as well, for no obvious reason (maybe heat?), and was awake before the Sleep Cycle alarm went off. Still got a 94% rating for sleep. Now, if I could just get a night completely alone, maybe I'd sleep well - and maybe it would be so odd that I'd not sleep at all. I feel rested, for what that's worth.

Finally, the morning faces thing. After waking up around 4:45 or whenever it was and feeling cani-cidal (i.e., wanting to kill the damn dog), I figured that it wasn't working. And I think the jury is still out, but once I got up and got lights on and did the usual animal feeding morning stuff, I found that I felt very brisk and efficient and, while not happy, exactly, more upbeat. So I did more of it this morning - it feels quite stupid to sit there and stare at these talking heads with the sound off (I dont much care about the content, just the visuals), but if it's useful especially on these alone days, well, at least nobody's there to see me looking looney.

153.8 this morning; here's yesterday:

• tea with extra cream
  
• macadamia nuts (about 1/2 cup total)
  
• two hamburger patties with cheddar cheese and TJ's green salsa
  
• 2 squares of Ritter dark chocolate with hazelnuts (the last of the bar)
  
• a small handful of cashews
  
• some cheese - about 3 pieces, I think
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

The meat helped. I think I need more protein than I can get from cheese and salami, and I go on the weird rampages to get it. Definitely didn't want to snack as much last night as the night before.

I am likely to be up late tonight, and even if I'm not, I think I'm going to be firmer with Jack about staying in his kennel at night. I really need him not to whine at 1 am. Also, not to let Roscoe out of his kennel the instant the radio goes off (twice now in 2 nights).

Wednesday

Let's see, where to start? I spent yesterday evening wandering the house in ski goggles, no doubt to the amusement of the dogs. Put them on as it got dark outside and kept them on until I went to bed (started prep, anyway). I read in bed without them for a bit - maybe 20 minutes. 

Did that help any? Not that I could tell, except that I had an overwhelming urge to go to bed well before 9; once I got there, though, I wasn't sleepy for about 45 minutes, give or take. There were other complicating factors, though. I will try it again tonight, maybe watch TV for a bit in the living room with them on, as long as it's Olympics or something without talking heads.

That's that one. I also used SleepCycle as my primary alarm. Interesting results there just from running it last night. I'd started to suspect that it was picking up a lot of Lee's movements in bed when it gave me an 85% rating for a night I don't think I even moved, and showed a bunch of spikes to "awake" throughout the night - at times when he'd got up for the bathroom and what-not. Last night, I had a fairly awful night's sleep (not all my fault!), broken up at 2 am and several times after that, because of dear old Jack and his problem sleeping in a kennel when Elizabeth is not home. He woke me up at 2 and I got up to let him out and on the bed, and subsequently I slept horribly because I thought it was a lot later (4:20, maybe?) and even after I learned the true time, woke up multiple times. My sleep rating last night? 100%, and it showed almost no spikes to awake, except the one at 2 when I physically got up and walked around. So the poor thing is artificially desensitized, or something.

As for the alarm clock aspect - I guess it worked, but by 5 am, which was the early edge of the waking window I'd set, I'd been awake for a good 15-20 minutes, so I can't say if I would have awakened more refreshed based on my sleep cycle. I will try again tonight, with modifications to accommodate Jack's issues. I also turned off one of the two other alarm clocks in the room for the duration after this morning, to make things a bit less complicated at 5:30 when they all go off. Sheesh.

Finally, I got in about 8 minutes of morning faces using my big iPad this morning - don't know if that will have been enough or if they're large enough there, but I will try to note my mood tomorrow morning, see if it's any better.

154.6 this morning. Eating was weird yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• 4 medium shrimp, grilled with beurre-blanc sauce
  
• a hunk of broccoli, dipped in the same sauce
  
• macadamias - about 1/4 cup
  
• cheese (6-8 pieces, I think)
  
• salami (ditto)
  
• dark-chocolate covered coconut chunks - about 10 of them
  
• 2 squares of Ritter dark chocolate hazelnut bar (didn't look at the Nutrition Facts)
  
• a handful of cashews
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

I think the evening noshing was stress-driven, and I will take a 5-HTP today if I find myself craving sugar at all. I hope I won't; that could affect the faces outcome as well.

I won't be having lunch today, just macadamias, and I had extra cream in the tea this morning to boot, so going for the fat-fast and dinner pattern. Yesterday got blown away when Lee found himself at a loose end at lunchtime, so we went out and had lunch. Plan for dinner tonight is to eat a hamburger patty in some form with salad. And clean out the leftovers from the fridge - I'm not going to eat them.

Tuesday

153.6 this morning; ankles are a bit thicker than yesterday. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• leftover baked "ziti"
  
• cheese
  
• Paleo shepherd's pie
  
• 2 squares Lindt 85%
  
• 5 dark chocolate covered coconut
  
• a handful of cashews
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

Trace ketosis at bedtime; sleep was good until 3 when I woke up and couldn't get my brain to shut off.

N=1-fest starts tonight with amber goggles, Sleep Cycle alarm clock for real, and morning faces (I think those are the big three). Also a daily fat fast followed by a "balanced dinner" - which sounds like Slim-Fast, a bit.

Monday

Good weekend. I am feeling much better, finally - a lot of the inflammation and general aches and pains has finally gone! 153.2 to boot, and I can feel my anklebones. And I slept well last night, despite initially thinking I wouldn't. So that's all good. Here's yesterday:

• scrambled eggs with melted butter
  
• bacon
  
• tea with cream
  
• cheese
  
• about 1/2 cup cashews
  
• 1 Toblerone
  
• 2 squares dark chocolate
  
• 6 dark-chocolate covered coconut chunks
  
• baked "ziti" with cauliflower standing in for the pasta (terrific!)
  
• salad with blue cheese dressing
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

The dark chocolate was eaten after dinner, not before, but I was on a roll listing chocolate, so it went with the list. The baked ziti was an inspiration while cooking yesterday morning - Elizabeth had seen a ziti recipe being made on Pioneer Woman Saturday and was sort of drooling over it, and I had a bunch of leftover Italian sausage from last weekend, and a bag of frozen cauliflower. I have made cauliflower-based "mac and cheese" before and it was awesome, so figured we could do the same with ziti. That's a keeper - even with not having any ricotta and substituting whipped cream cheese instead (no idea if it's a valid officially recognized "substitute" for ricotta or not, but it worked).

In any event, I barely made "Trace" ketosis by bedtime, and wasn't sure I was going to be able to get to sleep at all quickly - I was only a little sleepy at the time - but slept like a rock, even with Lee getting up multiple times overnight (hist report; I don't recall it at all) and thrashing a lot. I can actually see his night on my Sleep Cycle graph - despite not even rousing until after 4, it has multiple near-waking spikes throughout the night. I'm honestly not sure I even moved.

We have a Paleo Shepherd's pie for dinner (using boursin cheese in the cauliflower for the crust - yum!), and I have more of the "ziti" for lunch. Lee and Elizabeth head for the warmth tomorrow from work and I'm on my own for a week - in which I'm going to experiment wearing my ski goggles to blu-block in the evenings and use Sleep Cycle as my alarm clock and a bunch of other stuff. N only equals 1 when I'm not bothering my family with it, after all.

Friday

Worked out last night - more than I thought, apparently, considering the degree of stiffness I have today. I'm achy enough to have had less than wonderful sleep (although it was still pretty darn good). The session included a 1.05 mile walk in 13:40 which is far slower than it should be, but improving, and upper body machine weights, not quite to exhaustion this time - or possibly I was at exhaustion earlier than on Monday. In any event, my back hurts, my arms hurt, my neck hurts, my feet hurt (swollen feet and ankles again right now, for reasons that escape me). I just took a couple of Advil to try to get ahead of it.

155.4 this morning, so with the swelling going on, I'm actually feeling somewhat encouraged. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• macadamia nuts (about 1/2 cup throughout the day, eaten when hungry)
  
• cheese
  
• naked bacon cheese burger with tomatoes and pickles, ketchup and mustard
  
• cole slaw
  
• white zinfandel - a small glass
  
• 3 pieces of chocolate-covered coconut (sweetened, so not the greatest stuff)
  
• 2 squares of Lindt 85%
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

A little shy of veg, but generally not a gad day. I was at solid "Trace" ketosis at bedtime - hoping for more, but the wine probably didn't help. This morning I did extra cream in my tea, though not to the extent of the other day, and am continuing with the macadamias. Not sure what we'll do for dinner, but will try to think of something good for us before we hit that point.

In the meantime, ow.

Thursday

My ankles are a bit swollen and sore again this morning, and my weight reflects it - 155.8. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• turkey sausage
  
• shredded pork BBQ with Dreamland BBQ sauce (not very sweet)
  
• a tangerine
  
• one macadamia nut
  
• taco salad with grassfed beef, sour cream, cheese and TJ's green salsa
  
• cheese
  
• 2 squares of Lindt 85%
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

That was it. I'm doing a part-day fat fast again this morning; I've had a spoonful of cream cheese (not hardly any, really; it was the whipped stuff) so far, and have macadamias for throughout the day. Then I'll eat whatever we end up with for dinner; I rather like the pattern as a way to get good fat going on and the veg to keep the gut happy.

I meant to mention yesterday that the ketones from Tuesday were at Moderate.  I had them at Small last night, I think, or strong Trace, and expect them to hit Moderate again tonight.

Gym tonight - another fast mile and weights, I think. Twice a week, and make sure to add weight whenever feasible, and I'll get some good strength gains.

Wednesday

Not much to report today. I'm down to 155.0, my carb cravings have remained suppressed, and my sleep last night was decent, if not perfect - I woke up at 11:14 and 2:30 and 4:00 but went right back to sleep after each time, and I feel rested this morning. I do have a wry neck though, which is going to make my day rather long - that, and 5 meetings, starting in 10 minutes. Ugh.

Here's yesterday:

• tea with a lot of cream
  
• macadamia nuts
  
• cheese
  
• pork tenderloin
  
• collard greens cooked with smoked pork shanks
  
• two squares of Lindt 85%
  
• a very small handful of cashews
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

That was it. Other than my neck being stiff, I'm feeling pretty good; the exercise seems to have been recovered from. Planning to do the gym again tomorrow for more; I really want to improve my strength.

Tuesday

Well, huh. My menopause has, er, paused, I guess, explaining a whole lotta stuff that's been going on since Christmas and allowing me to shed more weight (water) yesterday. I'm down to 155.2 this morning and damn glad to see it. My ankles feel relatively normal, which, unfortunately, means that what's left must be actual weight. But I did some more research yesterday and have some ideas that might help with that.

First, it appears that menopause is accompanied by crazy bad carb cravings - the sort of thing that would lead a girl to make an effort to find and eat potato chips of an afternoon, not once but twice. That would provide her with a little voice in her brain that spent a solid month muttering "I want cookies!". Stuff like that. According to something I read on Nora Gedgaudas' blog, the cravings may be a search for improved serotonin levels, and I may be able to circumvent them with supplemental L-tryptophan. I'm going to try that, see what happens. As soon as I can get to a store that sells the stuff - probably Natural Grocers somewhere. So that's step 1.

Second, I read, probably on Bill Lagakos' blog, that melatonin suppresses metabolic rate, and that helps us survive without as much food during winter (darker earlier and longer means more melatonin production). I've been supplementing with it regularly for the past year as a sleep aid, but I think I can go with just honey (tried that last night with no problem), and maybe try a bit of blue-blocking (using my amber-lensed ski goggles) in the evening to keep my natural production from being wiped out by the TV.

So a plan - another plan. I'm feeling a bit more hopeful just now, which is either faith in the plan or the end of a long and obnoxious bout of PMS. Or both.

Here's yesterday:

• scrambled eggs
  
• turkey sausage
  
• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• cheese
  
• macadamia nuts
  
• shrimp sauteed with peppers, mushrooms, and tomatoes, in butter and olive oil, over zoodles
  
• two squares (1/4 bar) of Lindt 85%
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

I don't THINK I had any toblerones yesterday, but I might have. We went to the gym after dinner, which kept me from sitting around eating mindlessly - but the urge to do so has subsided a bunch. I walked a mile using my progressive speed playlist and did my weight circuit as well - pushing most of the exercises as close to muscle exhaustion as I could. Bit sore this morning, which is a good thing. 

Pork tenderloin and collard greens for dinner tonight - to try, anyway. I'm crock potting the latter with pork hocks and a bit of garlic olive oil. They're supposed to be seriously good for us; we shall see. If I can't eat them, I will have sauerkraut, I think. Other than that, I'm trying a semi fat fast day - heavy cream in excess for breakfast (the tea was almost chewy), and two servings of macadamias to eat at work when (and only when!) I get hungry.

Monday

It was hormones. Trust me; I've been presented with concrete evidence. Now, if I can use the (I hope!) diminution of carb cravings and the loss of water weight to start some real fat loss, I will be quite happy. The carb urges seem already to have reduced; I had a couple of pieces of chocolate mid-day yesterday, but didn't feel the need to have more. I think. Now I'm starting to think maybe I had some later on as well, maybe as dessert for dinner. 

In any event, 156.4 this morning, so down over 2 pounds from last week's high. I still feel bulgy, but am not sure what the substance of the bulginess is. Here's yesterday as I can recall it:

• tea with cream
  
• omelet with ham and peppers and onion
  
• bacon
  
• two Toblerone minis
  
• a handful of cashews
  
• some cheese - I attempted to make chips out of baked cheddar, and ate some of the results as well as a piece or two of regular cheddar
  
• cashews - in a small dish, two handfuls
  
• low-carb crust pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, bell peppers
  
• two more Toblerone minis (maybe)
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

Yesterday was just weird. We breakfasted out, did a few errands, finished our taxes (one stressor removed for the year - and we get a refund!), and vegged. Lee and Elizabeth went out for a while after that but I stayed home - didn't eat, I ironed. We had tentative plans to watch the Super Bowl, but never ended up bothering, so I watched episodes of Downton Abbey on iTunes on my iPad all evening, but did not eat. It was very un-memorable.

Sleep last night was also weird - I wasn't wound down when we went to bed - stopped watching Downton mid-episode - and woke up at 2:30, still un-relaxed. It took about an hour to get to sleep from that waking, but I slept pretty well after that, and feel fairly well rested this morning. 

We did get to the gym over the weekend, much needed. I hope to go tonight, but don't know if that's in the plans. Sauteed shrimp and veggies for dinner.