Monday

Yesterday morning, I got up, went to the bathroom (TMI? sorry!), and stepped on the scale. Then I stepped off, waited for it to turn off, and tried again. Because I simply did not believe my eyes. It said 149.0. After being up to 155.8 last week, there's no way I was buying this. The second attempt agreed with the first, and I didn't feel like spending the morning trying to convince it to change, so I let it be.

This morning, same routine, after a day where I'd eaten more than on Saturday. I figured, even if yesterday was the truth, I'd be back in the 152 range - wine with dinner, heck - wild rice with dinner last night. And dessert. So today's reading? 149.4. To say I'm a bit gobsmacked is an understatement.

I spent the 3-plus-day weekend (starting at 3 pm on Thursday) getting fresh air and walks, sunning myself, sewing, and being alone. Exercise, sun, solitude, and creativity, just as planned. Do I feel less stressed than I did on Wednesday? I think so - the urge to bite someone and run screaming from the building has gone. That seems like a good thing, although I don't know how long it will last. Probably key here is that I need to find a way to keep the de-stress momentum that I've managed to start, and not get myself into the state I was in last week.

A few things come to mind, that should be pretty much a matter of nature - no planning involved. No houseguests. Nobody moving and needing our help. Few to no weekends involving work. But those are all fairly passive external things that will keep the stress from exceeding the threshhold. I can't control them. What I need is things I can do to maybe raise the event threshhold, by restoring the sane inner voice in the way I did this weekend, but in situations where I can't shut the world out for 3 days.

I think we need to walk more. Not for exercise, but for this purpose. It's the one thing that I can probably control that really seems to help. Friday, I set out on a short walk that ended up being over an hour long, and it was so relaxing. Can't do that every day - and with night drawing in and winter approaching, even the short walk may become a challenge, but I'm going to try to do it nearly every day, somehow. Get outside in the weather and walk. Breathe the air, smell the scents, listen to the non-machinery-made noises. I managed 3 walks in 4 days - didn't quite make it out yesterday - and I think it was critical.

I need to find some alone time. This hasn't been much of a problem in general, in the summer, at least, with Lee golfing. It will be an issue once that's not an option for him. Sewing is probably my best bet, or baths. Both of which I can do in the winter, no problem, and will. And normally, when I don't run up against houseguests, weekend work, and intense meeting weeks at work all in a short period, sewing or baths or reading in the den is plenty of time to recharge. I guess I just need to recognize when I might need the extra time because things have got bad for some reason, or are about to.

Useful 3 days, I'd say.