Thursday

I can't call this Hell - nobody is trying to kill or torture me, for starters - but it's definitely Heck. I gained back everything I lost yesterday - 152.2 this morning, stuck like anything. I remember back 4 years ago, that I used to get stalls routinely at xx2.2 pounds, and here we are again. Weird, for sure. Anyway, I'm struggling with the lack of movement, the lack of sleep, the lack of temperature control, the lack of structure in life this week, and a decided lack of upbeatness. 

Eating yesterday was at 74% fat - brats and sauerkraut and cole slaw for dinner, and cashews and cheese as snacks. I'm being rigorous about keeping the cashews to my tiny tupperware cup, but maybe I should stop eating them again. Maybe we should start walking more - although I did all sorts of bizarre unnatural stuff to get my step count close to 5000 yesterday, and was only off by 60 steps, more or less. I truly don't know. Or rather, I probably do, and am nearly powerless in the face of it - hormonal fluctuations, dammit. Nothing too strong in the hot flash arena, so far, but enough to wake me up good and proper in the middle of the night and make me too hot and uncomfortable to get back to sleep for hours. Nothing like being exhausted and effing wide-awake-alert simultaneously. I spent probably half an hour of it debating with myself if I should get up and read for a while - ultimately, I didn't, and I did fall asleep eventually, to the dulcet tones of late November 1941 radio news broadcasts. No idea why WWII puts me to sleep, but it does, and I guess I should be grateful.

I did eat the soup yesterday, but tossed out the last container. I do rather wonder if the salt content is what's adding that 0.8 pounds back. I don't have anything with me for lunch today; I'm even out of macadamias. My eggs-and-turkey-sausage (and the can of RedBull zero) will have to carry me through to dinner, I think.

We are planning a walk tonight, and a chef's salad for dinner. I refuse to give in to this. I may resort to Benadryl tonight for sleep, too. Ugh, but I know sleep is critical.