Tuesday

Rough night last night. I woke up around 3:30 and started thinking about things that could still get in the way of this vacation I don't really want to go on. Don't, except that being at sea or on a Caribbean island sounds a lot better than hanging out here by myself with the dogs - which is where I'd end up if something should go wrong. 

More barriers to our move are falling down. Which is a good thing, but it's revealing some holes in the big cloud labeled "then a miracle occurs" that represents us buying a house so that we can actually move. Yesterday's barrier was that I will be staying with this job until Halloween, so we have a known salary to work with when getting a loan and I can take a little time to look around before grabbing the first thing with an income associated with it. Effing-Insane-Plan-B or not (that's the idea that we could live on Lee's retirement with a small enough mortgage payment), it's nice to have money coming in.

That's all well and good, but we're gone this and next weekend and the week in between, Lee won't be back until the 18th or 19th, and the 20th, we've tentatively scheduled a hail-and-farewell party with the neighbors (to which we have invited nobody and for which any arrangements will have to be made by me (and I really was hoping that we wouldn't end up having it)). So the earliest anyone could start househunting is the 27th, after we've closed. Nice and all that - no contingencies - but in the meantime, we'll be living at my folk's house, where the swamp cooler resides on a cart - it's going to be hot and uncomfortable. In addition, we're not sure we can leave the dogs with them and go down together, because the meds are freaking my Mom out too much. So one of us will have to go down and do a home-shopping blitz for a week (hopefully less) and try to get an expedited purchase done. 

Will I be able to put the burden down for a week and enjoy the cruise? I don't know. To top all this off, Lee's super scatter-brained right now. I'm starting to wonder if he really wanted to move at all - it feels like resistance, in a lot of ways. Oh, well. He kept saying he wanted to get out of here, and by gum he's getting out of here. Anyway, with him in that state, I feel like the pressure is on me to keep things together and on track. After work, and while he's off driving to and from Florida because he refuses to fly. And it's pissing me off, truly. Not a good state to be in, going into a vacation. Or anywhere.

159.0 this morning. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
• lemon jello water
• no supplements
• almonds throughout the day
• a bag of Kirkland trail mix
• Cobb salad with blue cheese dressing
• more tea with cream

I think that was it. I was hungry in the afternoon - rather a lot, really - but the discussion of how we might practically house-hunt completely killed my appetite, and I had to fight to finish a fairly small salad. Trace ketones at night.

I just want this to be done, to get back to normal. To wake up on a Saturday with nothing to do except maybe sew something, or go grocery shopping. And as things stand, that won't happen until this fall.

Ugh.