Tuesday

Yesterday didn't turn out to be a great start. Still at 155.4 this morning, and I didn't even see the point of testing for ketones at bedtime. Here's the day:

• tea with cream
• the usual supplements
• scrambled eggs
• 4 pieces of bacon
• 2 string cheeses
• 12 macadamia nuts
• 2 mellocreme pumpkins
• chips and salsa (not very many, but it probably didn't matter)
• 2 cheese enchiladas
• rice and beans (I cleaned my plate)
• a gluten-free red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting
• 2 small handfuls of candy corn

Shortish list, but look at all that sugar. Not good.

I'm in a slump right now. Battling with the black dog a bit - life is very neutral, is how I'd describe it. I can't muster much emotion, and when I do, it's negative. I can manage anger, anxiety, weepiness, but not much humor or contentedness or actual happiness. Elizabeth is visiting for the first time after moving away, and I can only get to "meh". Maybe hormones, maybe fall (SAD?), maybe stress, maybe just being me. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that the sugar-noshing is a search for serotonin. And it's not working.

So, today? Start again, again. The usual breakfast (eggs and turkey sausage this morning), macadamias for use as hunger dictates throughout the day, something for dinner (don't know what yet). Hope for the best. Keep trying. That's all I can do, really.