Tuesday

Forget yesterday. It was a chocolate fest. And by the way, I know what I'm giving up for Lent this year - and it should be hard. Sheesh! M&Ms (the remains from the movie), and peanut butter cups - 8 if I counted correctly. 

156.6 this morning - could be worse, should be better. 

No exercise yesterday; all I managed was an epsom salts bath. Slept with 2 Benadryl, and didn't want to wake up with the alarm, which I guess is a good thing. I think I looked at my watch once, after 4 am; otherwise, I knew nothing all night. I need the sleep, but this is not the way to get it. And I'm still tired today, and achy. 

I think I'm doing something wrong. The energy I used to have is just gone. Even in New Orleans, I had a really tough time getting "up" for activities I love, and I'm sad to say I was looking forward to it being over, and happy to be driving home. That's just not right. 

It may be menopause, but I'm starting to think maybe it's time to go ask a doc to make sure. Except I just don't know what they can do. Unless I'm actually sick (and an illness that causes exhaustion as it's only symptom would be either auto-immune or cancerous, I think), I'll have to fend off drugs to treat symptoms that might make me sicker in some other, more sinister way, and I don't want that. So if I go that way, I think I need to go in with a plan: discuss what I'm struggling with (insomnia/hot flashes theoretically from menopause, exhaustion, achiness), and ask to ensure there's nothing nastier going on than that and some stress from my stupid career choices - a few tests to rule out other causes - and if that comes back clear, I don't want anything to alleviate the symptoms except maybe that Brisdelle stuff.

The other possibility is the good old black dog, exacerbated by SAD from this winter. Certainly depression causes body aches and exhaustion, and general disinterest in activities that should be fun in normal years. And I'm feeling quite incapable right now, and that's probably another pointer there. 

Thing is, it could all be down to sleep debt.

Okay, so here are the things I'm struggling with

• brain fog - memory issues, language skills (I'm losing words), disorganization
• insomnia - early waking and inability to go back to sleep (I've done a few things to help this, maybe not enough)
• occasional hot flashes, accompanied by a strong sense of weakness (the latter is new)
• aches and pains all over
• muscle cramps particularly in my calves and feet
• lack of interest in much of anything although I'm okay if someone pushes me out the door

Well, hell. Except for the physical symptoms (aches, pains, cramps), that's classic menopause crap. And they may be as well. I don't know. (brain fog)