Wednesday

Advil PM night last night, so I slept through with a brief awakening at 2:40 to go to the bathroom. It was triggered by a night-sweat episode, and I'm sure I had other night sweats last night, so I'm starting to wonder if maybe certain of these are accompanied by a mini panic attack - a flood of adrenalin - and that's what makes it so hard to get back to sleep ordinarily, and why other times, I'm able to roll with it. I don't know, and since whatever-it-is happens just before it wakes me up, I can't say that I ever will know. But something to think about.

Anyway, I'm feeling shaky, achy, and lethargic this morning - not entirely sure the better living through chemistry option is really delivering. And the weight is up to 155.8 today, after Small-Moderate ketosis last night and not a lot of eating. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• scrambled eggs with ham and mushrooms
  
• two hunks of coconut oil - maybe 2 tsp total
  
• salami - probably about 10-12 slices (Lee's portioning it, and being too generous)
  
• 3 macadamia nuts (I wasn't much hungry)
  
• cashews - out of the jar, so probably more than a single handful, but not much more - by dinnertime, I was starving, but was waiting on Elizabeth to get home
  
• hamburger patty (Omaha steaks, not grassfed)
  
• a zucchini's worth of zoodles with sour cream, butter, and Parmesan
  
• a slice of swiss cheese (before dinner, I think)
  

Since we ate dinner close to 7:00, I didn't have anything else to eat after. My ankles and feet are a bit puffy, and the achiness indicates some inflammatory stuff going on, but man, is this getting discouraging.

Today has started with another Red Bull - not a great pattern to get into, but at the moment, it's allowing me to function. As usual, I will keep having these hot flashes until I don't - and there's no predicting when that will occur. Total suckage.

Tuesday

So, is 3:30 am yesterday or today? I was up at that hour having a teaspoon of honey in an effort to get back to sleep.  Not sure if it worked or not; I fell asleep about an hour later, I think, but it's possible I would have done that anyway. Woke up at 2:30 - the usual thing. I also woke at 10:30 and was able to get back to sleep quickly. So I'm working on something slightly less than 6 hours sleep today and, while I'm not quite at the end of my rope, it's certainly visible from here. Ugh.

155.0 this morning; moderate ketosis last night. Here's yesterday (through 3:30 this morning):

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• red bull total zero
  
• salami
  
• macadamias
  
• low-carb pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms - 3/8 of it
  
• a slice of swiss cheese
  
• a handful of olives
  
• the aforementioned teaspoon of honey
  

No exercise yesterday, and by bedtime, I was quite tired; I think I fell asleep pretty close to 9:00, which is how I can get even close to 6 hours. I had scrambled eggs with ham and mushrooms for breakfast, salami and macadamias to eat at work again, and probably will have burgers and zoodles for dinner.

And I have coconut oil in my drawer here. Maybe a little MCT would help me function today.

Quite apart from screaming exhaustion, I am starting to feel the benefit of the ketosis - my brain is feeling sharp and focused and competent. So that's a good thing. 

Off to eat coconut oil. Wish I actually liked the taste of it.

Monday

I got a lot done this weekend, although sleep was not one of those things.  Cleaned out another garden bed - 2 bags of leaves and sticks - and made another skirt - 2 down, 1 to go there. So I didn't eat much, and it was mostly good.  155.2 this morning, which is more than Friday, but less than yesterday. I suspect some muscle work inflammation, mostly. I was at 154.2 on Saturday morning, and saw a Moderate ketosis Friday night, followed by 2 days of Trace.

Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• scrambled eggs with green chile and cheese
  
• bacon - 4 pieces, I think
  
• cheese
  
• steak with garlic gorgonzola butter on it
  
• green beans
  
• 1/3 of a portion of creme brulee (not very sweet)
  
• a glass of pinot noir
  
• walnuts - several handfuls
  

I opted not to do honey last night, since it's not been working all that well lately.  Both Friday and Saturday nights were broken near or before midnight with a 2+ hour period of being awake, which was brutal. Instead, I opted for a single Advil PM, to help with aches and pains and sleep all at once.  Better than doing 2; I woke once at 1:30ish, mad that it wasn't a lot later, but sensibly decided to go back to sleep - and was able to, almost immediately, without audio. I woke again at 5:22, I think. Not bad. I know I slept through hot flashes - had a partial awareness (not sure it qualified as being awake) that I was sweating a lot, but it didn't wake me up. I may just have to resort to the single Advil PM every third night or so, to cope for a while - not ideal, but it's sleep. For the record, I crashed around 8:30 last night and was well asleep before 9:00. I was a bit groggy this morning, and had a RedBull on the way to work - not Paleo, I know, but sometimes helpful. It was the total zero version, which is no-carb.

The gardening on Saturday was good exercise, although my FuelBand died in the middle of it, so I don't know exactly how good. Ah, well.

Back to very high fat today - salami and macadamias, and LC pizza for dinner.

Friday

I cannot win. I cannot break even. And last night, I wasn't even allowed to play the game. Sleep was great, actually - from 9:30ish to 1:19 am. When I woke up feeling like it was morning - at least 4, if not later. Nope - just menopause effing with my mind. At 3:13, I was still awake, although Lee says I fell asleep soon after that. Still, that missing 2 hours is brutal; I hurt all over and am clumsy and stupid this morning. Good thing I don't have to commute, I guess. I'm not sure how to fix this - we've ruled out melatonin, the hormone stuff didn't make a dent, and I can't take benadryl every night. Even the honey is failing me for sleep continuity; what I do get still seems to be quality sleep. All I can think to do is to swear off the iPad after dinner - with Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest all gone for Lent, it isn't providing me with much to do anyway - I play solitaire, and I can skip that, for certain. I will try switching to real books at night.

Anyway, I'm at 155.0 this morning, and was in Moderate ketosis again last night.  Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• cheese
  
• salami
  
• macadamias
  
• pot roast (came in a box, but no flour or weird stuff)
  
• smashed cheesy cauliflower
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

I was stuffed after dinner, so I didn't have anything else to eat that I can think of - maybe more cheese, but that would be it. Looking above, I'd say it was great for fat and protein and maybe needed a bit more plant matter; we should have had salad as well. Nonetheless, I will be working on continuity more today; started right with eggs and bacon.

Yesterday was difficult; I think the benadryl buzz transitioned seamlessly into low-carb flu, and I was glad to head home. I don't know if today will be a repeat, but I think I will be okay by Monday in any event.

No real exercise at all yesterday; it was snowy out so I didn't even get my short walk in. Today should be better, I hope.

Thursday

I caved last night - took 2 Advil PM, and got sleep from 10-4 straight, I believe. After that, I couldn't get warm - or cold - or warm - and stayed mostly awake until the alarm went at 5:30. I am still reeling with the aftereffects of dear old benadryl. Maybe a good thing, as it snowed overnight and my commute was full of skillful drivers who were doing their best to pull donuts on a wet freeway. 90 minutes of that, and I arrive at work, still feeling hypnotized or something. I am drinking tea and hoping it will wear off soon.

Anyway, still 156.6 this morning. On the other hand, I was in Moderate ketosis last night - finally. I mean to stick with pretty strict HFLC for a week or so, see if I can get it cemented in. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• strawberries with clotted cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• salami
  
• macadamia nuts
  
• naked Qdoba burrito with shredded beef, salsa, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole
  
• small handful of cashews
  
• cheese
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

So, it's doable. And I will continue to do it. Cheese and tea with cream so far this morning, and I have salami and macadamias with me.

Not much exercise yesterday; I got a 3-lap walk around the building mid-day, and a bit of shopping in the evening, but nothing more exciting than that.

Hot flashes ongoing, but somewhat less sweaty than a week ago; maybe they're already at an ebb. That would be extremely nice.

I have plans to garden this weekend. The snow is supposed to stop during the day today and start melting, so as long as that happens, I'm good.

Now if only I could go take a nap...

Wednesday

Interesting. I stopped the progesterone cream after Monday night's dose, and I'm not saying it's why I feel odd, but I'd give it the benefit of the doubt. By odd, I mean "buzzy" - I'm literally vibrating at a high frequency, low amplitude, just now. Kind of nasty. I think, looking back, that I was buzzy overnight as well - I know that I didn't sleep deeply at all, but couldn't really put my finger on why. I'm not really sure how much I slept; I know I looked at the time at just after midnight, but it didn't feel as if I'd been asleep before that although I could not recall being awake either. After that, I was unconscious - it didn't feel like sleep - until around 4:30. I'm weary but not sleepy at the moment, possibly because of the buzz. 

156.6 this morning - more oscillation. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• strawberries with clotted cream
  
• salami
  
• macadamias
  
• cheese
  
• steak
  
• salad with blue cheese dressing
  
• a glass of Riesling
  
• a row of TJ's dark chocolate bar
  
• a bag of Zapps potato chips
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

Everything is identifiable as food (except maybe the Cajun Spice mix on the Zapps). The Zapps were probably a mistake - we were reading news about earthquakes this week and Yellowstone is starting to get a bit restless, so I decided that if the supervolcano is going to blow, I might as well eat the Zapps. However, the Chile earthquake was probably the point of all of the others, so no world-ending mess is looming and I could have waited. On the other hand, they're gone now.

I was in "Trace" ketosis last night, finally and definitely. It's a start. More strawberries, clotted cream, salami, and macadamias this morning, and pot roast and mashed cauliflower for dinner (and salad - must eat the dressing, since we finally found some real Roquefort cheese).

And I got a walk at lunch and one after dinner last night. Nearly have the gardening worked out of my hamstrings, and I was within 30 points of goal on the NikePlus. I tried waving my arm around after going to bed, but it didn't work enough.

One other factor I want to throw in that might have affected sleep - I watched TV, and paid attention to it, all the way to 9 pm last night. Normally, I don't - I read or play Solitaire on my iPad after about 8, if not earlier. Evening Faces? Maybe.

Tuesday

Still stiff and sore - possibly stiffer than yesterday, which is the general pattern when I do something like this. I took 3 Advil immediately on getting up, which just shows you. We did not go for a walk last night, which was a bad decision on my part; if we had, I think I would have eaten better, since Lee wanted to walk to a sports bar and back, eating in the middle. Instead, we drove for Chinese - and it was bad Chinese. Slightly sweet Hot & Sour soup, and the meat was caked with some sort of starch. Gave me indigestion at 1 am, which I was fully awake to appreciate (not).

156.4 this morning; some of yesterday was indeed water, but I continue to oscillate, and I want that to stop. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• strawberries with clotted cream
  
• macadamia nuts
  
• cheese
  
• hot and sour soup
  
• 2 or 3 fried noodles with chinese mustard
  
• Mongolian beef, beef, starch, and onions
  
• a fortune cookie
  
• 1 tsp honey
  

I think I got more to eat after we'd been home for a while, and it was probably cheese, but I don't recall getting it or eating it; I was pretty easily distracted last night, and spent quality time dumping jelly down the dispose-all and relabeling and refilling spice jars. I can now vouch for green chile powder's ability to clear one's sinuses - I didn't even sniff, and spent 5 minutes sneezing violently while transferring it.

Sleep started out great, and I woke up bright-eyed and refreshed - at 10:46 pm. Also 11:46 pm, and 1:20ish. At that point, I stayed awake until after 3 - possibly closer to 4. The menopause stuff is certainly not making anything better, and it very possibly is making it worse. So I stopped all of it this morning - I really can't find a valid reason to mess with hormone levels as an amateur when I can get just as crappy sleep without. I don't really understand why I am so very resistant to all this stuff, but I've never once found anything that I can conclusively say helped me with this. Especially as my pattern of hot flashes is to have them for a couple of months and then have them stop for a while on their own. If I were a stay-at-home housewife, I could deal with this by sleeping in a bit and being kind to myself, but I'm not, and I can't; I have to get up and drive 40 miles to work, be professional and exercise good judgement for 8 or so hours, and drive 40 miles home. And. I. Hate. It. But there it is, and there's absolutely no point in wasting my feeble mental capacity on hating it; I need it for other things.

Looking at yesterday's eating, the starch, the noodles, and the fortune cookie were relatively minor amounts of carbs, and I think I'm getting maybe 5 strawberries at breakfast. I am trying to get back to a meat-fat-leaves sort of eating pattern, not very successfully (possibly the feeble mental capacity is impeding me here, too), and will just keep trying. I don't know what else to do right now. I ate as many of the onions in the Mongolian Beef as I could manage, knowing that they aren't the best of friends with my gut flora, but knowing that they're full of inulin. Probably the source of my indigestion. Today is steak and salad for dinner - either that or the steaks get wasted on the dogs, and some of them are Prime, which I'd dearly hate to waste. More strawberries and clotted cream for breakfast, and salami and macadamias for lunch (I was hungry yesterday afternoon).