Wednesday

The effing M&Ms are going home, where it's a 50-50 chance that they will head directly into the trash.  I ate lunch - LUNCH! - yesterday and still felt compelled to down a couple of handfuls before leaving.  I might as well have a bag of heroin in the desk drawer.  150.8 this morning, possibly as a result.

Could be that, could be the Estroven.  Could be a lot of things - and I know that.  But why risk it?  I have something in my office, where I spend most of my waking hours, that is bad for me.  I need not to have it there.

So, fine.  I managed one set of one-leg stands yesterday; the second set got lost in the shuffle of a late meeting.  I still slept really well last night - didn't wake at all, that I can recall, although I sort of remember turning off the heated bed pad (it was actually cold last night, and we were running the swamp cooler to try to filter the smoke from the wildfire out - don't think it worked, though), and maybe throwing the duvet off once.  Nothing else.

On the hot-flash front, either the Estroven is working pretty well, or I am needing it less.  I would certainly prefer not to be bombarding my system with phyto-estrogens from soy, so at a minimum, when the box is done, I will be switching over to another product that does not include such things - both were available at Costco and I chose the one with the soy for my first pass.  I think the other one is cheaper, too.  In any event, life has become manageable again, and I am grateful for that.

Here's yesterday's eating, as much as I remember.  Yesterday was a bit foggy, for some reason.

• scrambled eggs
• bacon
• tea with cream
• the usual supplements
• Cobb salad (no egg) with blue cheese dressing
• iced tea
• two handfuls of M&Ms
• sausages (chicken-apple and something to do with bacon)
• homemade sauerkraut
• cole slaw
• a few potato chips
• a glass of Riesling
• two chocolate almonds
• a piece of cheese

I think that's all of it.  I've been thinking, especially as I've been struggling with weight a bit recently, and it seems to me that the family's overall diet has slacked off a bit.  Things like potato chips creep back into the house.  I buy M&Ms.  We have containers - small ones, I grant you - of ice cream in the freezer.  These are no longer treats, but are becoming everyday items again.  That seems to be a problem, to me, at least.  Probably not to Lee or Elizabeth, who never truly got on board with my approach.  Lee can tell a waiter, "we don't eat bread" with a straight face, and turn around and order breaded, fried oysters in the next breath.  Same with Elizabeth, who won't eat pasta but will eat chicken nuggets.

I think I'm going to have to learn to cope with this; I cannot eat those things without gaining weight, and I don't want to eat them, because they degrade my health.  I have managed to exist in the world outside of the home by recognizing that some of the items other people eat are just not "food" to me, and I guess it will have to work that way at home, as well.  Can I do it?  I have to.

Oh, and by the way - total fail this morning in the shower.  I realized I hadn't put any cold water on about 5 minutes after I'd been out of it.  I will keep trying.