Wednesday

I give up.

I have been trying to lose a few pounds for this entire year. When I began tracking my weight for the year, I weighed 154.2. After nearly 12 months of trying to lose weight, I weigh 156.6.

Whatever I'm doing right now, it is not working. And I am effing sick and tired of putting in all this effort, paying attention to my food intake, tracking details, checking ketosis, with no results. It's stressing me out, and that can only be adding to the list of things working against me.

So I'm done.

Starting today, I will no longer sweat the details of my fat vs. protein vs. carb percentages. I will no longer check my nightly ketone levels. I am finished putting my weight in a spreadsheet.

Way back, when I first started trying to eat better - nearly 5 years ago now - it was first and foremost, to improve my overall health. And it worked like a champ. It's still keeping me healthy, despite sleep issues, despite stress issues, despite menopause. And I'm not going to stop eating properly - and trying to improve some habits that have slipped. 

I probably won't stop weighing myself daily. But I'm not going to chart it.

I will go back to listing my eating here, instead of in a formal nutrition tracker. And all I will be looking for is that I ate healthy foods and avoided the junk.

And, I think, now that it's a week and a day before Christmas, I'm going to stop pressuring myself to avoid the candy. Especially since it's not working at all.

All that said, I have a stomach ache this morning and slept like a pile of crap last night, so I may not eat much at all today.

Yesterday, I ate:

• scrambled eggs
• bacon
• tea with cream
• the usual supplements
• a couple macadamia nuts
• the insides of a turkey and swiss cheese sandwich
• a 1-oz bag of "kettle" potato chips
• a pickle spear
• 4 chocolate covered raisins
• chips and salsa
• 3-stack cheese enchiladas with green chile
• a dark chocolate Lindt truffle
• a dark chocolate peanut butter cup

Today so far, I've had scrambled eggs and turkey sausage. No plans for lunch, and dinner will feature ground beef and cauliflower with cheese.

I may revisit things after the first of the year, but I'm fed up, frustrated, and discouraged right now, and I think it's time to get out of that box for a while.