Wednesday

Hmmm. 157.0 again today, and a gut full of, er, stuff. I think if it goes away (as I wish sincerely it would; it's a mite painful), the weight will go back down. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
• the usual supplements
• scrambled eggs
• bacon
• a jar of dilly beans
• 6 hunks of cheese of various sorts
• 2 dark chocolate peanut butter cups
• 3-4 other pieces of chocolate or candy (including walnut fudge)
• a naked burger with cheese and guacamole
• a cup of green chile with cheese on top
• about 6 french fries
• 1 tsp honey

It was a rather carby, snacky sort of day - still trying to get that under control, and not as successful as I thought I'd been the day before. I need to keep reminding myself that nasty french fries (these were limp and bland) are not worth eating. That if I don't want dried-up walnut fudge and I do want a chocolate, to ONLY have the chocolate. That would have reduced the carbs by about half all by itself. The dilly beans - which I'd made as an experiment when our pole beans went berserk - were really good. I think I'll plan to grow enough to do them again next year - only more of them.

Sleep last night was better in retrospect than it seemed it was going to be around midnight. I woke up, thinking I was in for another bout of insomnia, and laid there focusing on how sleepy I was, which put me right back to sleep. The next time I woke, it was 5:10. Done on honey and melatonin. I'll take it, even if it resulted in frustration dreams about trying to board a plane and being prevented by a number of different things. Second night in a row of frustration dreams, which is kind of interesting.

Plan for today is to keep the candy to 2 pieces total today. I have cheese with me for "lunch", and no idea what we'll have for dinner yet. No plans for the evening; we're pretty lame when it comes to dancing in the New Year (or whatever people do anymore). The 5K tomorrow is still in limbo - it includes timing tags that need to be turned in, which means I have to go over there anyway, even if we're not participating, so if it's sunny and above 10 degrees, I'll probably do the race. With socks in my Vibrams. 

Tuesday

At the moment, I seem to have some control over things. 155.6 this morning - which could just be a setpoint defense reaction, but either way, a recovery from the excesses of last week.  Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
• the usual supplements
• scrambled eggs
• bacon
• a bag of peanuts
• 2 dark chocolates sweetened with maltitol
• meat loaf
• Southern-style green beans
• 2 regular chocolates
• somewhat less than 1 cup of cashews

And that was it. Better than it has been in a while for snacking; I seem to be better able to regulate my cravings at the moment. Not counting on that to continue, though. If I can get on top of things for a while, though, it might be easier to keep the next wave of cravings at bay longer. Maybe.

No exercise last night - it's too damn cold to go outside right now - and that includes walking to the car to drive to the gym. I got sleep - dream-riddled - but it was via Benadryl - my attempt to keep things from going sideways there by taking one periodically if I've had a couple of bad nights. It seems to be working so far.

Working from home today - the roads are rotten. I have a jar of dilly beans on the desk to nosh on as needed - hoping that they'll keep me out of weird carb binges. Though we did a bit of a purge over the weekend, so the weird carbs are not as available. A good thing.

Dinner out tonight - probably, anyway. We have to go pick up the shirts and numbers for the 5K on Thursday that we're almost certainly not doing (too cold), and will probably get something there.

Stress - meh. Somewhat better than before the holidays, but since I can't do what I want right now (hibernate), it'll probably never be zero.

Monday after Christmas

We survived, I think. Although survival included a medium movie popcorn, too many cookies, and too much chocolate, we survived it, and most of the chocolate has come to work, to be eaten by co-workers. I have had lots of salad over the past 2-3 days - dinner last night, lunch yesterday, possibly at least one other meal. Also soup. Probably the way to go for a while.

156.6 this morning - after a weekend where 157.8 was the theme. And, looking back, I see that I'm down from Wednesday a bit. 

No exercise to speak of this weekend - we have been slugs. But then, Lee threw his back out on Wednesday, slept through about half of Christmas, and is still coughing more than he'd like, so he's not really into much of anything vigorous. And I've been trying to make up for lost sleep, with not much success, I'm afraid. Seems like I get decent sleep about every third or fourth night - and sometimes, I have to force the issue with Benadryl. I will keep plugging, though. I continue to try to read on paper in the evenings, and have been taking honey before bed, with the resulting vivid - though, not so far memorable - dreams. I think that's indicative of more restorative sleep in one area (mental) at least.

Anyway, the stress of getting through Christmas is over, and there's nothing else upcoming that seems like a "power through it" event in the same way, so that should help things.

I seem to have got a low-grade sinus infection over the past week somehow. Seriously? I'm quite grateful that it isn't anything worse; I was a bit concerned that with the 4-day break and getting past Christmas, I'd come down with something awful - "vacation flu" or the like.

In theory, we are doing a 5K on Thursday to celebrate the New Year. In practicality, it's highly unlikely that Lee will be up for it at all, and my participation depends on the weather. I may have just bought a couple of $25 shirts, since we're due for below-zero highs tomorrow and will just be climbing out of that mess by Thursday.

Wednesday

156.8 this morning. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
• the usual supplements
• scrambled eggs with ham, cheese, and tomatoes
• 3 pieces of Kerrygold Irish cheddar
• a ziploc bag of strawberries
• salad with turkey and blue cheese dressing
• 4 rice flour cookies (with frosting)
• the cookie dough for a fifth
• about 10 mint M&Ms

That was it. We did a bit of grocery shopping last night, and I baked cookies, which kept me out of the sitting-and-snacking habit.

Sleep was pretty good last night - with aid of a Benadryl. I fell asleep soon after 9, and woke up just after 5, with nothing but dreamland in the middle. I figured I'd had plenty of sugar last night, so I didn't bother with the honey, and I know that I dreamed last night, but again, not about what. Which is fine - if I were able to remember, it would mean that I'd been pretty near awake. For what it's worth, I've been looking dragged out and baggy-eyed all last week and this, and I still do. I feel better this morning than I have in quite a while, though.

Short workday today, but a long day. Our intention is to go to Midnight Mass, and if it's anything like the last time, we'll get home after 2 am. I'm spending the evening cooking in preparation for a bang-up brunch tomorrow, which we will eat when we get up - maybe around 10. A family dinner tomorrow evening - at which I am providing antipasto - beyond that, we don't know what's being served. And once that's done, we will be getting rid of all the sugar around the house again and getting back to eating healthy. My New Year's resolution - which I mean to implement starting tomorrow - is to get more vegetables into our diet.

Tuesday

157.2 this morning. I knew the weekend would catch up with me eventually. Or yesterday:

• tea with cream
• the usual supplements
• scrambled eggs
• turkey sausage
• string cheese
• strawberries
• Five Guys bacon cheese burger
• fries
• 1 piece of candy box chocolate
• 2-3 small handfuls of mint M&Ms
• 1 tsp honey

Actually, that doesn't look all that bad - maybe the M&Ms were a bit over the top, and obviously the fries were a treat. I'm struggling with cravings at the moment - would probably break down completely if someone offered me a cookie - and mood swings, which makes a change from the usual insomnia and hot flashes. If I had to guess, I'd say Thursday is going to be rather rough for me. Forewarned, I can go in intending to make an effort, and not let my issues wreck the day for anyone else.

Sleep last night was okay - I woke at 1:40 and, while I didn't stay fully awake for hours, I slept fitfully until just before 5 when I woke up for good. I feel fairly well rested, though, so I won't complain. However, I think I'm going to take Benadryl tonight as a preventative, to keep from chaining multiple bad nights together. Maybe my plan will be to have one night per week of Benadryl sleep, just to try to keep more rested than not, since it seems like the tireder I am, the worse I sleep at night - not helpful, really.

I have more cheese and strawberries today, and will try to come up with something for dinner that doesn't involve leaving home to eat it, so as to avoid the fries. Here's hoping I'm successful.

Monday

156.0 this morning - surprisingly, down from Friday. Because I carbed out all weekend - rice, potato chips, gluten-free, but real pizza, candy.I didn't do anything all weekend, either - we were both more or less exhausted both days and spent most of the time on recliners in the living room, watching TV. Maybe that's what was needed. Or maybe, my body has a setpoint lower than 156.4 and is defending it.

I slept well all 3 nights. Took melatonin, magnesium, and honey before bed all 3. Tried to avoid electronics (bar the TV) in the hour before bed. The "honey" sleep is back - I feel like it's been more restorative, richer, than before, and I've definitely had dreams, but don't remember any of them, just that they occurred. That said, I'm still exhausted and feel pretty crappy for someone not actually sick. My left jaw aches, for some reason - I'm thinking it might be a low-grade ear infection, because I'm a little vertiginous this morning - not exactly dizzy, and not exactly not. Blecch. I am assuming that my entire immune system is engaged in repelling the flu virus that Lee's been liberally spreading around the house, and I know that can tire a body out. On top of the menopause-induced insomnia of the past few weeks and the fact that I'm kind of down emotionally right now, I think the explanation is pretty clear. So I'm looking forward to the time-off aspects of the upcoming holiday - at 2 pm on Wednesday, my work week is over.

I have string cheese and strawberries with me to eat today. Not sure what dinner tonight will be yet - I hope to come up with an idea soon. Something fairly healthy, though.

Friday

156.4 this morning. Got decent, albeit drugged, sleep last night, but, as usual, could use more. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
• 3 pieces of cheese
• a ziploc bag of strawberries
• turkey
• salad with balsamic vinaigrette and almonds
• mixed vegetables with butter
• ham with pineapple
• a baked sweet potato
• 3-4 chocolates
• a tsp of honey

I'm back trying the honey at bedtime thing as an effort to improve sleep a bit - so even if it's short, maybe it's more restorative. Too early to tell if it helped or not from the last 2 nights - I'll give it next week to see if it helps on a longer-term basis.

I'm feeling a bit bloated this morning, so imagine my weight will go further down - but we will have to wait and see on that as well. Right now, given the issues I've been having the past few weeks, though, sleep is my top focus. Not sure yet, beyond honey, what I am going to do about it; something to think about with my slightly better brain today.