I know...

Not blogging. I'm really rethinking things right now, and the urge to write about my weight is nearly gone. Not that my weight is - 160.4 this morning and I'm just pissy about it. But of late, I can't find anything I've done that's at all causative, and without something to build on, well, a) I can't control my weight, and b) that's not very compelling writing.

Stress may be involved. Hormones almost certainly are. Shit sleep is probably playing a role - although last night's sleep seemed to be pretty solid, for the first time in a while.

Anyway, I think I'm taking a hiatus from writing about it. Maybe I'll find the urge again, and maybe not. And I'll try to stop snacking between meals. About the only thing I can think to do that is a bona fide change of something that's not good.

Monday

It may be slightly apparent - just slightly - that my compulsion to write this blog has tapered off a bit recently. Guess I don't have anything compelling to say right now. I would like to lose at least 10 pounds. Instead, I seem to be gaining weight. I would like to get more exercise; I find myself at home in the evenings, mentally drained and unwilling to budge. I thought I'd found a way to get better sleep, and that's proved to be elusive as well.

It's very frustrating. And I don't do frustration very well.

In any event, we are trying again - at least, I am, and Lee's not unwilling to go along for the ride - to rein in the eating in the evenings, by having primal "big-ass salads" for dinner all week. I hope we will manage, and I hope that it will be the first of many weeks of eating better. That said, see above.

We shall see.

I did manage to get a lot of walking in over the weekend; we went to watch a professional golf tournament and put in about 6 miles doing so. Hit goal yesterday with a walk after dinner. Really great weather both days - and today, so I hope we will make a third day. Slept fairly well last night, the first in several days - we've been having dog issues, among other things. And yesterday's eating included an omelet, home fries, cashews, a big-ass salad, and ice cream - and, I think, nothing else. So not terrible. For this week, I'm leaving the walnuts at home - I went through a lot of them last week - maybe avoiding them will help. I have cheese and salami with me for today.

Wednesday

Wretched sleep last night - 2 days in a row that I woke up in the middle of the night and never really got back to sleep. Ugh. Lots of audio - on, but I napped through a good chunk of it. Also a leg cramp, I think. Might have dreamt that.

We figured out why. Lee had the heat on 2 days ago because it was cold out, and at night, it doesn't get cold enough for me to sleep at all well, unless we have the A/C on. So tonight, if it's not already, I turn the A/C on around 8. Talk about a 21st century problem...

158.2 this morning. Eating a bit more properly right now. Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• bacon
  
• cheese (3 pieces of cheddar)
  
• walnuts (rather a lot)
  
• chicken breast meat
  
• green beans
  
• a single serve Haagen-Dasz coconut pineapple ice cream
  
• a coconut flour banana nut muffin with butter
  

I think that was it. The muffins are surprisingly good - just bananas to sweeten them, so not very sweet. Had one for breakfast with more bacon this morning. They rose nicely as well - I tried a trick in the recipe of setting the oven higher than baking temp to start with, then turning it down as soon as they went in - I'm guessing that bakes the outsides a bit more early on, or something. Anyway, they're a keeper.

No exercise this week; mentally tired, and with shit sleep, physically sleepy. Just trying to eat sanely.

Monday

A nice, productive weekend. In which I ate too much. 160.2 this morning, which is annoying. I had popcorn yesterday, so I shouldn't be surprised, though.

No real walking, but we did things like plant herbs, recover chairs, sew a little, run errands, and cook a lot. I made ham broth, chicken broth, arancello (started it anyway), and lemon and orange extracts. And we got the sous vide steak thing to work - perfect medium rare meat for dinner last night, with roast brussels sprouts. And I made lotion bars, and we went to a movie. And to our new Costco that doesn't take a trek to get to.

I'm feeling pretty chuffed at life this morning, in general. And it's a nice sunny day after a chilly sort of weekend (sunny, but windy and cool). The first week of getting used to the stupid time change is over, and Easter is next weekend. Oh, and I have Friday off from work, as a holiday. Weird.

Fasting today, mostly because I wasn't hungry at breakfast. I'm mildly hungry now, so I don't know how long it will last. I'd say I'm at 15 hours right now, so on the brink of autophagy.

Friday

I had a chicken caesar salad last night for dinner. And then chocolate almonds, cashews, and strawberry ice cream. Gained back the weight lost the night before. 159.4 this morning.

Sleep should have been good - woke briefly at 3 am, turned on audio, and didn't stir until 5:30 - but I don't feel rested. When the alarm went off I was awake-ish, but wanted desperately to go back to sleep. It's dark and foggy outside, and I'm very glad it's Friday.

My neck is sore. And my back and ribs and shoulders. I spent quality time last night laying on a golf ball trying to get my right shoulder calmed down, and I do think it worked - it no longer hurts to drive, anyway. 

No walking yesterday; unusual for me, but I was outright sleepy when I got home. We went out to dinner (hence the salad; that's going to be my default plan going forward), came home and ground up deli chickens for the dogs' food, and watched TV (and, for me at least, ate).

Weekend plans involve a trip to Costco (so exciting, I know, but one is finally opening near our house), a bit of gardening, and some woodwork refinishing. We were going to New Orleans for a party with some friends, but the highway there is closed due to flooding, and the dog's blood sugar is all over the place. I think that's a 21st Century sentence. And staying home means I'll be better rested on Monday; our plan was to get home around 11 Sunday night.

Thursday

I'm not getting around to blogging this week. It's possible that this has served its purpose and is dying out - or I may just be at a low ebb right now. In any event, I wrote something Tuesday and am writing something today. Tomorrow? Who knows.

158.8 this morning; down from Tuesday, thank goodness. But probably not "weight loss", just more of the same wobbling around the upper 150s that I've been doing for months. Am I on a diet? I'm trying. But I feel like my mind isn't quite all there yet.

Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• cheddar cheese (4 pieces)
  
• walnuts (probably 1/2 cup-ish)
  
• an Angus beef patty - I'd bet 1/2 lb.
  
• roasted root vegetables - carrots, beets, parsnips?? (frozen stuff from TJs)
  
• a single-serve Haagen-Dasz strawberry
  
• a handful of cashews
  

And the usual swig of Gatorade at bedtime with Magnesium, to try to fend off leg cramps. Which I had one episode of.

Sleep seemed pretty continuous, but not restful. I have a sore shoulder (my right one) from sleeping with Charlie two nights in a row, and while I took aspirin and did some trigger point stuff to it last night, both of which helped, I think it kept me from getting deep sleep. Tireder this morning than I have been all week.

We are getting walks in, though, before dinner. I like it - it lets me get work out of my system as well as providing some means of de-sludging my bloodstream a bit. I don't think I'd quite categorize it as "exercise", but it's better than sitting on the couch.

Tuesday

So I declared (to myself, mostly) that I was starting a diet yesterday. Makes sense, then, that I gained nearly a pound, right? Ugh.  160.4 this morning and not at all happy about it.

So what gives? Here's yesterday:

• tea with cream
  
• the usual supplements
  
• scrambled eggs
  
• bacon
  
• walnuts - probably half a cup
  
• a piece of cheese
  
• about 5 chips with salsa
  
• a chicken breast with queso and tomatoes and peppers
  
• 2 chips with fajita meat and cheese on
  
• a spoonful of black beans and a bit of rice
  

That was it. The last was Mexican restaurant food, if that's not glaringly obvious. Salty, for certain, but I did work to avoid heavy carbs.

The whole point of committing to "a diet" for real was to change my mental state. Did it? I think so; I worked hard at avoiding a lot of chips, and choosing something that seemed lower in carbs. I just need to avoid restaurants altogether, I think. But that's highly unlikely.

So, what should I have done differently last night? Half the chicken, and no appetizer (that's what the chips with fajita meat were)? Maybe. Or a salad instead. I did a lot of grilled chicken caesars back 6 years ago, I think. That might need to be my plan going forward.

Sleep was okay - got to sleep pretty quickly once the lights were out, and woke around 4:20 briefly, then closer to 5 for good. And I feel reasonably rested. Considering it's Daylight Saving week, that's actually amazing.